There was quite a stink coming off of the Montauk Highway and it wasn’t from this guy:

In order to give you a well rounded report of the Hamptons summer night life, we briefly checked out Star Room’s party on Saturday night (The former roost of Lizzie Grubman).  At Star Room, no level of inebriation was allowing us to enjoy ourselves. There were anything but “Stars” in the Room.  We’ll let the pictures speak for themselves:

Let’s be honest here, we all have found the Hampton Jitney to be an invaluable resource at one time or another (i.e. you don’t have a car, don’t want to take the commuter rail, etc.). But it stops there. It wasn’t started with the intention of transporting cheeseballs with their toothbrush and cosmetics kit out to Star Room and back in the same evening/morning. Enough of these Paris Hilton wannabe make out out sessions.

Thought we would share this with you guys, an accurate summation of events this weekend. Bold added for emphasis.

From: *****.********@gs.com
Sent: Monday, May 28, 2007 11:32 PM
To: guestofaguest@gmail.com
Subject: Memorial Day Weekend

Friday night went to Dune in Southampton, it was packed but crowd was weak. Sat night we went to Pink Elephant, it wasn’t too crowded and was really fun…lots of girls around…Usual promoters and Euro trash rich guys around….There are 5 tables outside on the elevated patio (not the outdoor area with the beds) that were really good and we stayed out there most of the night….

Sun night went to back to Dune and it was embarrasingly bad. Jayma[Cardosa] wasn’t there (only Rich Thomas). Didn’t see Noah Tepperberg either. All the tables were empty or filled with long island meathead trash….That being said Sunday after Mem Day is a tough one….Decor looks the same as last year with some cheap looking plastic fish hanging from the ceiling. I wasn’t impressed, thought Cain last year looked a lot better. They were serving drinks in plastic cups which also annoyed me. We left after 5 mintes and went to Nello’s which was very cool on the inside. An older crowd but a great place for drinks.

Didn’t get a chance to check out Stereo but Ambrosia and Adriana Lima were supposedly having a party there Sat….

Google earth is one hell of a program. This is what 100 million gets you in East Hamtpon. For the rest of us schleps, we’ll just have to settle for a house-share in the penumbra of Wainscott (it’s close to East Hampton right?)

Is Carmen Sandiago Jamie Mulholland?

a) South Africa
b) Cain at the Atlantis Cove
c) Hiding under the Deck at Pink Elephant
d) Cruising down Mulholland Drive
e) All of the Above

Hmmmm….

Well, wherever he is hiding, we will be on the lookout this weekend…we will also be back with the full report on our pick for the best night venue in the Hamptons so stay tuned!

IT’S FINALLY TIME……DON’T FORGET YOUR SUNSCREEN!!!!

…Until the long weekend that will officially mark the beginning of summer begins. The city is HOT and full of TOURISTS and after spending our lunch in the park getting jealous stares (probably because we had FunDip sticks in our mouths), we are BEYOND ready for an escape.

Wanted to pass along a nice little hangover cure that we started using today as well that we found in our gift bag from the opening of the Cove Atlantis two weekends ago:This “Party Relief” from Sprayology is supposedly supposed to help prevent and revlieve alcohol-related discomforts. Though not sure if we”d buy on our own, we”ll take all the help we can get…it”s going to be a long weekend!

If only the Newsday had told you what to do at this time last year, maybe you wouldn’t have gotten rejected so many damn times. We highly recommend heading their advice:

1. Don’t name drop the name Rachel Uchitel to Rachel Uchitel at the door of Dune: Her favorite line is “Rachel told me to come by.” “Dude,” she says, “I’m Rachel, and that’s the most idiotic thing you can say.”

2. Don’t roll up with six guys (must keep a good ratio!), or ask Michealangelo L’Acqua at Dune if he knows who your daddy is:“If you roll up with six guys, chances are I won’t let you in unless you’re willing to spend money for a table. I don’t like baseball caps or fraternity looks. For girls, I like it light and beachy, not a lot of makeup.” L’Acqua’s least favorite gambit: “Do you know who my dad is?

3. Just be “cool” and Binn Jakupi will let you in the door at Stereo: “People will say, ‘I’m Domenico Dolce’s cousin. I own this hotel,’” he says. “I don’t care what you own. If someone is cool and I want to take care of them, I take care of them.”

4. Don’t ask Alexander Julian at the door of Pink Elephant if he knows who you are, and for God’s sake don’t wear flip flops: Julian’s least favorite opener is “Do you know who I am?” “If you’re poorly dressed in flip-flops and khakis,” says the straight shooter at Pink Elephant, “you’re not getting in.”

5. Bring your “elegant casual” game to Bey Archer if you want in at Starroom: he doesn’t ban flip-flops. Archer says he’s looking for “elegant casual.”

A couple of mixed messages here, I’m starting to get confused. Flip-flops are ok here, then not okay there. These doormen are begginning to sound like the uber flip-flop: John Kerry. Man if only we could just be “cool”.

Whether you wanted to or not, we were all getting high off his her”Magic Dust” at The Box last night….The show has gotten dramatically better. Usually it’s just a couple knife throwers, flamers and burlesque dancers. Last night there were over 20 different acts that made us leaving feeling very very naughty. Perez was there and was definitely enjoying the double dutch performers…..

We were never overly fond of the guy, being that celebrities are about the lamest things in the world, but commend him for being smart enough to make a living exploiting their lives and also for letting us share his private “box” upstairs for a bit….

It’s soooo darn yummy. Bubble Tea to Taiwan is what coffee or soda is to the U.S….If you haven’t tried it yet, or worse, have never heard of it, you need to try it out immediately. Though first popularized in the 1980s, it is just recently getting notice in the U.S and is one of our new favorite drinks for summer. Also called: Pearl Tea, Boba Tea, Tapioca milk tea, etc. Try Ten Ren Tea at 79 Mott St. in chinatown for the best we’ve found in the city so far.

It’s official…Rock and Roll will never grow old. We decided to skip the Hamptons Magazine party for a much different more interesting kind of scene. We were invited as guests of the band “Day of the Snakes” to Don Hills’ “Rock Candy’s Metallic Wednesdays”. What a quality choice on our part. We woke up today with the sweet rocking music still pounding in our ears and the feeling that we had finally discovered part of the “secret” into where all the hip, in-the-know New Yorkers were going these days (because they sure aren’t sipping Pinnaple rums at Bungalow 8 anymore). Don Hills, on Greenwich St. in the West Village has been around since 1991, and we are a little embarrassed that it took us this long to stop by. Blame it on the lack of substance in the more popular Manhattan clubs, or on Andy Hilfiger’s guitar skills, but we are sold. Last night we became convinced that the eclectic crowd consisting of impeccably dressed A-list models, hipsters in hoodies, businessmen in Salvatore Ferragamo’s, Afros, Mullets, and Dreads, is one of the closest things we’ll find today that is comparable to the crowds found in Studio 54 at the height of its run.

Many well known New Yorkers in the fashion, business, and artistic community were seen, as well as members of the band “Guns and Roses” who joined the “Snakes” crew later on at the Rose bar in the Grammercy Hotel. With the close of CBGB, it’s nice to see that Rock n Roll is alive and kicking. And while Andy may be famous for his work with brother Tommy, and as the man that started J.Lo’s career outside of music, he is without question, at his best when doing what he loves….Rocking our World.

[rockyou id=70187213&w=600&h=200]

Bring your Gucci loafers, Nantucket Reds, and a little lock-jaw to the Ivycup Polo match next Saturday at the Greenwich Polo Club. Apparently there is going to be a playoff between the alumni teams of Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and Cornell. How many people are actually graduates and how many simply imposters, it’s hard to say. But it’s for a good cause (Charity Network of New York City to help disadvantaged youth…a nice gesture by the advantaged) so we can all tip a mallet to that.

From the 2006 Event

2007 Kick-Off Party

Helpful information whether you’ll be in Nantucket, South Hampton, or Soho house roof top…

Best place to buy your swim suit= Canyon Beachwear

This West Coast chain just opened up on the UES and after getting voted by nymag as the best swimwear place we had to take a look. We approve, they have EVERY swimsuit you would EVER want to have to be forced to try on under those “feared unflattering flourescent lights”. You can even buy the Thomas Kors swimsuit that lalohan wore on the cover of Vanity Fair, though hopefully for your sake you will refrain from that temptation…

To get a Brazilian Wax= Eve Salon …ask for Maya and thank us later.