…and it’s ruining our Friday night.

We are sad to be the bearers of this news but the main water pipe apparently burst last night at one of our favorite joints, La Esquina on Kenmore St.  At first we thought that they had just overbooked and were about ready to call their bluff on the matter, until we double-checked with our insider there who assures us their pipes are a leakin’.  This means they are closed all weekend, possibly longer.  We have some mates fresh off the plane from Sydney that we were pretty excited about taking there tonight and now we’re at a loss.  Our go-to place is closed and we need to make sure these guys know that Manhattan is hip.  Please email us some suggestions.  Bonus for exclusive basements, secret entrances, or outdoor hideaways.  Yeah we like shit like that and we’re not too cool to admit to it.

The sample sales have been out of control lately (we heart ny).  You’ve missed billion dollar babes which ended yesterday and we didn’t post on because we are selfish.  You can still make Jimmy Choo, Barney’s, Intermix, and Hermes.  Just go here for details: www.racked.com.  We are sample’d out but let us know if you find anything.

Harry Cipriani may be in fact losing his liquor license, but there is a silver lining to this story. Apparently his “lick her” license is not in jeapordy. In fact, Cipriani has a complete monopoly on this permit for Sunday nights in the city. Whether instances of licking will be blunted by a loss of his liquor license remains to be seen…but we’re sure Lapo Elkann will still be a regular.

This past Tuesday night we attended a birthday party at the one and only Carmine’s in Times Square. We are still feeling the affects of the gluttonous affair. If you’ve never experienced an Italian American Family Style Wedding feast, you should check out Carmine’s, but only if you happen to be in the theater district, otherwise, no meal in the world would be worth making a special trip up to the area. We realized it had literally been almost 6 months since we had been in Times Square and it hit us how utterly clueless the tourists surrounding us were about the city. Times Square is NOT New York City (nor is Tavern on the Green, or TAO). It is it’s antithesis. We are glad that we finally get to say we’ve been to Carmine’s but honestly not sure we’ll go back anytime soon. The place is great. Loads of fun and great food, just not worth the 5 minutes of hell spent outside before and after.

The “Titanic” at Carmine’s:

Now if you want a really good Italian meal in New York in a great location head to Volare’s on W.4th st and give our regards to Sal and Falco. Added bonus for being a Guido free establishment, no small feat for an Italian restuarant in the tri-state area.

People are always asking us why we try and leave the city on weekends during the summer. Hopefully this post will help to explain.

You see, people in the city claim they are “Busy Doing Nothing”, but we don’t buy it. When the Observer came out with the story on the hottest new night spot being a bench on Orchard and Houston street we didn’t take much notice. As Gawker, Gothamist and others followed in reporting on this “non-scene scene” we again chuckled and moved on. Now, however, things are getting a little out of hand. The hipster kids here are no longer “busy doing nothing”. They are making flyers, printing tshirts, scheduling events, and inviting us to be their friends on Myspace . Somebody better tell these kids to settle down a bit. Everyone knows that the reason hipsters are sortof “cool” is because they don’t TRY to be “cool” but also because they don’t try to be “uncool”. NEWSFLASH Team Bench: when ya start trying too hard to be uncool, it just ain’t cool.

We’ll deal with the guidos, at least they have the ocean to clean up in.

Which Socialite’s hotter and has the better style?

Is it Lauren Davis:

Or Lydia Hearst:

What’s crazier than a shoe department given it’s own zipcode?  Doc Martins.  They are supposedly making their “comeback” and we just don’t know how to handle this information.  We are still trying to sort out the fact that we went to a party that revolved around Meow Mix, this is just too much for us to take in on a Tuesday.  And it’s not like they’re just coming back on “Journeys” shelves at malls around the country.  Their on fking Chloe models!! (see above photo).  “Our-so-called-lives” just like the show, are over it seems.

NY mag’s intelligencer just commented on last night’s event.  Wow. New Yorkers really like their Pussy cats.

[vip lounge at D'or]

Last night we went to D’OR, the lounge underneath Amalia for an event put on by our friend Ian Gerard and his Gen Art. We spotted several hipsters, artists, and fashionistas. Translation: gay guys, girls without real jobs and Tommy Hilfilger. Ha. Our favorite was when we overheard two girls’ conversation regarding the lack of men at the party. It went something like this:

Girl #1: “God, New York is getting so unimpressive to me lately. Should we stay for another free dried chicken stick thingy or move on?”

Girl #2: “Let’s bounce, it’s 9:00 on a Monday night, the father of my children is working right now, not tying to refind his youth with a glass of watered down stoli in his hand.”

[scene upon entering the “meow mix a-CAT-emy’

We decided to leave shortly after as well. On to stop #2 which we are still trying to make sense of today. It was on 15th street and Union Square east, in that big old white pillared building across from the park. The invite said “Meow Mix Back to School Party” featuring performance by Kate Deluna and Special Appearances by Iron Chef Cat Cora, Vincent Pastore (”Big Pussy” on “The Sopranos”) and “Fantastically Catered Delectables. We however went because of the “Open bar all night”, that and the fact that we had no idea what a “Meow Mix Back to School Party” entailed. All we can say about this strange strange affair was that whoever is behind the company that makes the cat food Meow Mix has a lot of dough to throw away and is really obsessed with cats. Also, they did a good job picking out the wait staff. Here are some pictures we took from the “a-CAT-amy”.

View of the Gymnasium complete with adult size rubber band ball:

The cat “buffet”

And other pictures including a view into the gym, the “cool cats jazz band” and the “sushi bar” for the real people.

Ironically, we are not fans of felines.

Earlier this summer we wondered where in the World is Jamie Mulholland? With no Cain presence in the Hamptons this summer, he was nowhere to be found on the mainland. So where has he been hiding? At Cain at The Cove Atlantis, now we know why he forwent a summer in the Hamptons.

Monday through Wednesday, figures average around $70,000 until Thursday night when revenues start to ramp up bigtime. On a saturday night Cain clears close to $900,000 in revenue, and a friday night usually pulls in around $650,000. This is a week during the Spring :

Revenue

Monday = 70K

Tuesday = 70K

Wednesday = 70K

Thursday = 175K

Friday = 650K

Saturday = 900K

Sunday = 200K

Total = (70+70+70+175+650+900+200) = 2135K = $2,135,000

Certainly this revenue (based on drinks, food, cabana rentals, etc.) is a bit seasonal, decreasing in the summer months, and increasing in the winter months, but its pretty astounding and prognostically puts them in at least the 40 million ballpark by first year’s end. Jamie, we are all in agreement here, you made the right choice.

Also last Friday marked the opening of Saks Fifth avenue’s 8,500 sq. ft. shoe department, a place so big it was granted its own zip code! (only in New York).  Debra Messing and celebrity stylist Philip Bloch were there to help ring in the affair.  Better study up on the floor plan before you go:

Let’s hope to god that these fugly shoes will forever be banned from this newly acquired zip’s radar:

Croc’s came out with this shoe called the “mammoth”, which seems to be a cross between the two worst shoe designs of the century, the croc and ugg.  This is definitely going to be “mammoth”, a mammoth of a mess that is.