How To Make-Up For Driving A Range Rover

Letter to the editor:

Dear Rachelle,

I LOVED your post on “How to Buy a Bike in NYC!” I’m happy to see
that I’ve been a positive influence and you’re making a concerted
effort to reduce your carbon footprint. However, I hate to break it
to you, but buying a bike doesn’t make up for driving a gas-guggling,
anti-environmental Range Rover all over the Hamptons for the past
three months. Sorry…

I know you’re overwhelmed with guilt…but, wait! I know of a solution
to rectify your green faux pas.

There’s a simple way for you to feel
better about yourself and your excessive carbon emissions usage. You
can purchase carbon offsets!!! You simply go to a site like
carbonfund.org which actually *calculates* the carbon emissions your
SUV emits. And get this, it puts a *price* tag on its carbon
footprint! You can pay, what could be called a type of “penance,” for
simply $90.70.

You’re probably asking, “What? No way! How is that possible??” That’s
easy - your $90.70 will go toward offsetting your carbon footprint by
funding projects carbon-reducing projects. Can you believe it? We can
now put prices on how our carbon footprint!

Problem solved.

I do have to point out that the process seems a bit redunant. I mean,
wouldn’t it be easier to rent a different car? Well, what’s done is
done, and all I can do is hope that you don’t make the mistake twice.

XOXO