Last week we talked about the madness that is the ULTIMATE Engagement bridal show. But what if you want something a little more off-the-L-train, if you know what I mean? The kind of wedding to make your mother shed tears...of disappointment. Fear not. Here are eight steps to the perfect Hipster Wedding.-
1. Find A Wife on HipsterWifeHunting.com/Get Your Photo On HipsterWifeHunting.com
Hipsters are only looking for two things in a girl: quirky appeal, and acceptably Indie taste in music. So if you're looking to find a Hipster Husband, don't say you like Coldplay or John Mayer. Actually, you could probably get away with naming a band that doesn't actually exist, like The Defenestrated Gazelles. That will REALLY impress him.
Your should openly proclaim your love of dive bars, obscure cartoons from the mid-80s, and B movies.
2. Go on a a First Date.
Here are some nice suggestions from Howaboutwe.com:
How about we...spend $20 on an all night show at Smalls, get whiskey drunk and somehow find a way to sneak into the Jazz Loft. How about we...go to the Brooklyn Brewery for cards and laughs, followed by a dive bar to play Buck Hunter and listen to classic rock How about we...go see 'point break' at midnight showing. How about we...take a butchering class at the Brooklyn Kitchen. How about we...Debate regular coffee versus lattes?
(Don't be fooled by the last suggestion! Debating regular coffee versus lattes is just code for "How about we...extoll the virtues of a good ol'fashioned cup of joe from a rundown diner and diss Starbucks".)
3. Get Proposed To At White Castle
Anywhere else wouldn't be quite ironic enough. And a note on weddings: if the notion is too traditionalist for you/you refuse to get married until everyone in America can get married/you want to keep your options open, a "Co-Habitation" ceremony is totally acceptable.
4. Buy Your Wedding Dress At Urban Outfitters
Yep, they're designing wedding dresses now! Face it, Urban Outfitters shoppers are graduating college and settling down, so of course the label wants to get in on the wedding industry. The store will also feature Wedding Invitations (out of recycled looking paper that will cost twice as much) and a wedding registry (so you can let your friends know exactly WHICH ironic shotglasses and faux-art you would like to receive as a gift.)
5. Take some engagement photos.
Like these, from hipsterwedding.com, which is an actual site, and this is an actual example from the portfolio.
6. Get someone really random to officiate the wedding.
It's old news now that practically anyone can get ordained on the internet in like, five minutes. So who will YOU choose to perform your wedding? Your friend? Your yoga instructor? Dov Charney?
7. Hold your reception at Radegast Hall
As it just so happens, they're hosting weddings now, so you can guzzle beer with 500 of your closes Williamburg friends to celebrate your nuptials.
8. Send your children to Saint Ann's Preschool, move to Bushwick, and live happily hipsterly ever after!