[Image via Hamptons.com]

• A Shinnecock assistant pro makes U.S. Open, worries about western winds and lack of ability to "hit wedge shots for eight hours a day."
• Tommy Boy to wed its Beautiful distributor 08/08/2008, lest it slip his aging mind...
• $5,000 if you can catch the copper thieves!
• This is what a sex offender looks like, and she may be teaching your children.
• Thanks to U.S. Rep Steve Israel (D-Huntington), the Fighting 69th will be getting free phone/mp3 players. If you want to send a message before the phones are shipped at the end of June, dial 631.648.2557.

[Image via fdrest]

As I briefly mentioned yesterday, a young Brooklynite died Monday after a) ingesting 5 grams of cocaine, and b) being tasered twice by the Southampton Police. Deputy Lieutenant Jack Fitzpatrick is confident that it was the former, rather than the latter that did the victim in, and I would be too, except for this little tidbit: 5 men have died after being tasered by the SHPD since 2004 alone. Most of the deaths were blamed on cocaine and alcohol, but one was said to be due to "excited delirium," aka "an overdose of adrenaline." More»

What's really frightening about this is that storm season has scarcely begun. Maybe it's a good thing the Amagansett Farmer's Market has yet to reopen.  Thanks to reader for sending in this pic!

[Image via Mattituck Lions Club]

• Feel like noshing on 5gs of coke? Don't mix it with taser tag.
• Itching to escape the Hamptons scene Thursday or Friday? Steer clear of Huntington/Melville; route 110 will be be a highway non grata through 7am on Saturday morning.
• You'd better steer clear of Coco restaurant as well, unless you value fireplaces over food and service (a lot of you, then).
• What elevates shortcake, daquiris, and Special K from bland to bamn? The Mattituck Lions Club's annual Strawberry Festival is this weekend, and those who come to Thurday's Hulling Night will be fed and watered with fresh-picked wares. Mmmm...

• California King snakes do not cribmates make, or do they?
• Looks like another storm's a'brewing for Vered owner Ruth Kalb (she of the amazing eyeware and erm, assertive personality). According to Sag Harbor mayor Gregory Ferraris, the 30 foot legs in front of Kalb's home may be an "accessory structure," and require a permit.
• The Lillywhite family played "prominent roles" in developing cricket, tennis, and golf. A rose by any other name indeed...
• Jill Zarin and Whitney Port bffs? Where's Port's Team Jill shirt?
• Blueberries may be kiss of life for the poor cosmo.

Now there is absolutely no excuse not to get your buns in shape and have the beach bod you always wanted! Women's Health is opening their first-ever Studio in Southampton. For the month of June, the WH Studio is bringing in the most in-demand yogis, pilates gurus and personal trainers in the U.S. and the world. From June 6-8th, Amy Dixon, WH's fitness expert, contributing editor and exercise physiologist, is flying in from L.A. to help hamptonites tone and tighten their arms, booty and core. Check out the website for class schedules. Class sizes are limited so be sure to call and reserve a spot! You'll be the envy of every one piece-wearing beach bum in no time!

• Stuff your face with soft-shell crabs, while you still can.
• Time to brush up on your Swedish: Europeans invade the Hamptons.
• So THAT'S where that smell is coming from...
• A Hamptons House Tour at a Hamptons price--breakfast included!
• Are you going to be a guest of a guest this weekend? Here are some hostess ideas.

[Image via Newsday]

• Better bust out your floatiest frocks and spray-bottle fans; it's getting hot (high 80's and low 90's) out here, and even hotter (around 100 degrees!) in the city.
• But at least the urban-bound won't be paying fueling up on gas whose price is the nation's 4th highest.
• Do you know why the caged bird sings, or strips, or whips? Long Island's housewives do...
• The tides, they are a' turning brown, and killing our scaled and shelled amigos.
• Wainscott family wants town to pay $10.5 million for their farm lest it become Ralph Lauren Cricket, or Walmart.

[Image via New York State Liquor Authority]

Turns out that all that stands between you and your liquor-serving gallery is $31 and a permit filed 15 days in advance. A little thing, sure, if one whose violation shouldn't result in arrests and court dates. Some gallery owners claim they have in fact tried to file for permits, citing lazy or absent SLA members as to why their requests remained unrealized. In response the incident at Vered, many have decided it's best to shutter the booze, at least for now. More»

[Image via Newsday]

• Remember the old lady with 56 dogs? The puppies are now up for adoption, and their $62.50 fee will finance complimentary Responsible Dog Owner Classes.
• Matto is celebrating its one year anniversary with free pasta!
• Ye who sunbathe upon secluded sands may soon be cursing the name of congressman Tim Bishop (D-NY), whose plan to stop the encroaching coastal erosion may require the seizure of privately-owned waterfront.
• Didn't your mother tell you not to mess with preggers potheads and their shiv-wielding amours? Well maybe you should, if you're 90+ and there's an off-duty cop around.
• Sick of hearing bad news? Head over to East Farmingdale, home of the 128 decibel sirens.

• DNC security learns not to mess with Hillary's E.Hamp sextarian stalwart.
• Judge rules illegal aliens okay; restauranteurs rejoice.
• It's not easy being less rich, part deux: In which the foreclosure fairy comes a'calling and a "nouveau riche" is forced to short sell his $20 million weekend abode.
• Spitzer's quantity before quality preference hits West Hampton Dunes; mayor balks. 
• A violet will set his film in Eastport, and you can help.
• LI Newsday unveils its "Hangin' in the Hamptons" blog, and we're likin' it.