Papaya? Watermelon? No it's not Team GofG's guide to the East Hampton Farmer's Market. It's a whole new way to describe your world, via sexy vernacular consultant, Craig Nadler.
What’s the one thing that any average person can have in common with a celebrity? We don't have multi-million dollar mansions on Gin Lane. We don't have schedules jam-packed with red carpet premieres, late-night talk show appearances and star-studded charity galas. And, we certainly don't have to worry about walking out of a supermarket flanked by a guerilla paparazzo. But, we lowly serfs of ordinary can still feel like A-listers thanks to one simple tool at our disposal: the catch phrase!
We all love catch phrases, no? Where would we be without Steve Urkel's "Did I Do That?" or Kathy Griffin's "Suck It, Jesus?" I, like any other person with dreams of living the razzle dazzle lifestyle of a Hollywood celeb, have worked tirelessly to perfect my own gaggle of catch phrases--a list I like to call "Fruit Vocabulary." Partially inspired by celebrity stylist/Bravo reality starlet Rachel Zoe-after all, I did impersonate her assistant Brad for Halloween 2009-I came up with 5 terms to perfectly express everyday emotions…
ba-nanas- intensely satisfying, a-mazing
apple (MUST be singular)- mind-blowing, fosters speechlessness
grapes- incredibly awkward (in a bad way)
watermelon- incredibly awkward (in a good way)
papaya- unnerving, unsatisfying, unsettling
Before you begin adopting Fruit Vocabulary into your own lexicon, I should warn you that "ba-nanas" is the word easiest to throw around. One can use ba-nanas to describe a wide spectrum of phenomena, citing anything from a great live performance on American Idol to a hi-larious YouTube video featuring a chimpanzee on a segway. That being said, make sure you use the other four terms more sparingly, as they are reserved for those sights/sounds/smells that are one-of-a-kind.
*HINT: One way to jazz up Fruit Vocabulary is to insert a dash (-) into the term where it doesn’t belong. So, when talking to your friends about Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift’s award speech at the VMAs, you can say, for added emphasis:
"Daaaamn. Kanye's such a d-bag. That was pa-paya!"
*Another way to spice up FV is to turn the fruit into a more substantial food item. For example, when discussing that cute Youtube phenom who covered Gaga's "Paparazzi" for his 6th grade talent show, you might say:
"OMG. His performance was ba-nana pancakes."
So, next time a feeling of overwhelming regularity washes over you, just drop some Fruit Vocabulary (in a nonchalant manner, of course), and watch as those around you swoon and marvel at your sudden rise in coolness!
For more absolutely ba-nanas insight, and never an papaya post, check out Craig's blog!