As you know (or should know by now), last week, Rich Kid of Instagram Andrew Warren broke his arm in Montauk after being attacked by a pink flamingo pool float when he valiantly tried to save someone from drowning in Fort Pond. It was a battle of the ages. We were hoping that Miles Teller would be playing Andrew in the movie when it inevitably got optioned by Warner Bros and James Franco would already be angling for the role of the inflatable flamingo because he truly believes he has that kind of acting range. We were certain it would be like Dunkirk meets millennial Cruel Intentions.
But then Andrew Warren had to ruin everything.
No, not our favorite Andrew Warren. Murderer Andrew Warren. See?
Now if you Google Andrew Warren's name, the stories that come up are all about a gruesome murder that happened in Chicago and the suspect is Oxford University employee Andrew Warren. Damn, why did Andrew Warren have to go and kill a feel good story going viral (not to mention killing a sentient human being with loved ones, but we digress). Dick move, dude!
We know RKOI Andrew Warren has a heart of gold (24 karat gold, no less), and the only slaying he does is when he's serving up looks at A-lister events for the 'gram. And we all know that Andrew Warren boasts more accomplishments than a finance guy at one of the best schools in the world. After all, he does have a fashion line, a blue check mark next to his name on Instagram, and - wait for it - is the self proclaimed Kris Jenner of his crew. Can murderer Andrew Warren say that for himself? We think not. Bearing the title of the HBIC is infinitely more impressive than a PhD, duh!
It totally sucks that his act of heroism has been eclipsed by a murderer who goes by the same name as him, but we doubt Andrew Warren changing his name is within the realm of possibility - it'll be tough for all 98,800 Instagram followers to get the hang of a new identity. Also, Andrew Warren is a classic socialite name without being too pretentious, so why fix what isn't broken? It's no different than Sebastian Valmont (oh wait, he was probably capable of murder) or Patrick Bateman (oh wait, he was murderer). Ooof, that's an uncomfortable pattern worth exploring some other time. Maybe we should just start referring to Andrew Warren as "Tiffany Trump's best friend" to make things less confusing. Pretty much everyone does that already and we doubt he minds (come on, she's the best Trump and you know it)!
[Photo via @adwarren]