"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" How To Drink Your Way To A Giant Engagement Ring, Tara Reid-style

by Alex Gilman · August 15, 2011

My Google Alert for Tara Reid also includes the phrase "Jägermeister + Overdose," so I confess that I might be a little late to the news that the American Pie and "Taradise" star was engaged and married, all seemingly in the span of a single day, whilst in Greece with her now-husband, a guy named Zack Kehayov.

Early reports claim he's a Danish businessman, but her last finacée was a Danish businessman, so who knows. What we do know for sure is that ol' Zack is doing just fine financially, based on the size of that alarmingly massive engagement ring Tara tweeted earlier. If that rock were any larger, you'd have to imagine she'd be trying to smoke it.

Now, if you're not a fan of Jason Biggs' penis in or around pastry items, you might best remember Tara from "Taradise", a special edition version of E!'s "Wild On" series, where Tara traveled to new and exotic locales and then threw up on them. You may be wondering how someone who was most known for frequently looking like this:

–can turn it around so quickly and find more stability and happiness than you or I were ever considering in our own lives. Luckily for you, there's an answer. Here's the Tara Reid Guide To Partying Your Way To Success.   [photo via]

Step One: Be A Mess

The bigger the better. Booze, drugs, parties, all day, every day. If you're not sure whether you're enough of a mess, try to articulate something even remotely complicated, like your thoughts on the War on Terror or something. Could the person you were talking to understand you? Even a little? Then you're not enough of a mess. It's very important that you don't skimp on this step. [photo via]

Step Two: Continue Being A Mess

I'm sorry to say it, but you weren't being enough of a mess before, in step one. I know it's hard. I know you're going to want to take a break, spend a quiet night in every once in a while. But I'm afraid that's not the way to get to Taradise. So for every drink you want, take two. If Paz De La Huerta is falling down drunk and nip-slipping outside the Chateau Marmont, you need to be butt naked on the mechanical bull at the Saddle Ranch. Step it up.

It may go without saying, but this would also be an excellent time for your career to go into complete and utter free-fall. It would also be good if you could get some botched plastic surgery so that your stomach looks like Edward James Olmos.

[photo via]

Step Three: Find A Wealthy Man Who's Inexplicably Willing To Fly You To Greece And Give You A Gigantic Ring And Immediately Marry You

Um, yeah. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea how this happened. [photo via]

[top photo and bottom tweets via Twitter]