March Madness, But For Hot Chicks: Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive Madness

by Emily Green · March 15, 2011

Ana Beatriz BarrosLadies and gentlemen, put all your experience in superficial judgment to good use. The editorial wizards at Esquire came up with an ingenious union of two of the Fratty Bro specimen's favorite pastimes, March Madness and drooling over hot chicks they'll never have a chance with, and set up a complex tourney-style bracket system for the women whom they've seeded in four different categories and paired against each other. Now they need you to weigh in on who the sexiest woman on the planet is in their Sexiest Woman Alive Madness 2011. My fellow females who know nothing about sports, this is perfect for us since all you have to do is assess the ladies based on who's hotter which we do on our own anyway, except now our vote counts. [Photo via]

[Photo via] For the first time, I participated in the artfully crafted system of March Madness but in hotness, which unlike its originally intended field, is something I actually care about. See my Round One picks below and cast your own before voting closes Thursday night.

*my votes indicated in bold

:::ROUND ONE:::

FASHION (AKA Models)

Daisy LoweAdriana Lima Daisy Lowe via, Adriana Lima via

(1) Brooklyn Decker vs. (16) Kate Middleton: Is this even a question?

(8) Bar Refaeli vs (9) Ana Beatriz Barros

(5) Candice Swanepoel vs. (12) Gisele Bündchen

(4) Irina Shayk vs. (13) Kate Upton

(6) Izabel Goulart vs. (11) Jessica White

(3) Selita Ebanks vs. (14) Amber Rose: Wait, how'd that broad get on here? I'm confused, do video hos count as models now?

(7) Adriana Lima vs. (10) Daisy Lowe: Adriana is the obvious choice (actually surprised she's only seeded 7, I thought she'd for sure be in top 5) but I'm naturally kind of contrarian and am partial to the underdog, plus just kind of over her.

(2) Miranda Kerr vs. (15) Joan Smalls: In sexy-adorable vs. fierce, fierceness wins.

MUSIC & SPORTS

beyonceGwyneth Paltrow Beyonce via, Gwyneth Paltrow via

(1) Katy Perry vs. (16) Elin Nordegren: KATY PERRY IS SEEDED 1?!?!

(8) Maria Sharapova vs (9) Caroline Wozniacki

(5) Taylor Swift vs. (12) Cheryl Cole: In all honesty it wouldn't matter who Taylor Swift was paired against, she bothers me so I go with the other person by default.

(4) Erin Andrews vs. (13) Jenn Brown

(6) Stacy Keibler vs. (11) Arianny Celeste: I guess if I HAVE to choose one, I'll go with Stacy, but I'm generally turned off by women who make a career out of physically fighting each other.

(3) Beyoncé vs. (14) Gwyneth Paltrow: Since the category is music I have to go with the B based on the fact that the Muppets' performance was superior to Gwyneth's at the Grammys and wish she would just leave the singing to the pros.

(7) Nicki Minaj vs. (10) Ines Sainz: This one is really about the lesser of the two evils and I can't decide who is tackier. Pass.

(2) Rihanna vs. (15) Gretchen Bleiler

MOVIES

Rosie Huntington-WhiteleyMegan Fox Rosie Huntington-Whiteley via, Megan Fox via

(1) Mila Kunis vs. (16) Russell Brand: hahaha

(8) Jessica Alba vs. (9) Kristen Bell

(5) Natalie Portman vs. (12) Jennifer Lawrence

(4) Ashley Greene vs. (13) Zoe Saldana

(6) Gwyneth Paltrow vs. (11) Anne Hathaway: Despite how theater geek annoying she was hosting the Oscars, I still like her, plus Gwyneth needs to go on time out in the corner for pursuing a legitimate career in music. She's a beautiful, amazing actress with the best fake British accent in Hollywood but spare me, please.

(3) Penelope Cruz vs. (14) Amanda Seyfried

(7) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley vs. (10) Megan Fox: Because she's had a lot less plastic surgery.

(2) Olivia Wilde vs. (15) Amber Heard

TELEVISION

January JonesJessica Pare January Jones via, Jessica Pare via

(1) Sofia Vergara vs. (16) Hoda & Kathie Lee: Yikes.

(8) Those Girls on "Glee" vs. (9) Grace Park: Have mercy, no more "Glee", I can't take it anymore.

(5) Jennifer Lopez vs. (12) Sarah Shahi

(4) January Jones vs. (13) Jessica Pare

(6) Emmy Rossum vs. (11) Kendra Wilkinson: This makes me laugh.

(3) Christina Hendricks vs. (14) Lana from Archer

(7) Padma Lakshmi vs. (10) Katrina Bowden

(2) Kim Kardashian vs. (15) Bristol Palin: No but really, putting Bristol Palin in the running is more offensive than Kim's over exposure.