This just in: apparently hating Jews and verbally abusing your estranged wife are not aerobic activities! I know this because Mel Gibson magically appeared on a hotel balcony in Cannes yesterday (his new film The Beaver is playing at the Film Festival), and like all magical visions, us non-believers may simply not have been ready for his full radiance. And yes, those pants are open for business.
Accompanied by a buddy who may or may not have been an equally out-of-shape Hugh Jackman (they're both from Australia and that's why that joke is funny), Mel paced the balcony with confident sexuality, a burning cigarette dangling from his lips, pants and belt undone because you never know when it's about to go down. What seems to be an iPod Shuffle rests gently between his breasts, no doubt loaded with 80's classics. Because if you're this close to the raw power of Mel Gibson, you're in the Danger Zone.
Seriously, though, what could have brought about this incredible (some might say irrational) swagger in a man who, while still a heartthrob, now qualifies more in the "quadruple bypass" sense of the word than in the "rock hard abs" sense. Perhaps the confidence comes from the fact that although America has been made somewhat uncomfortable by his recent hate-speech outbursts, the French seemingly have no problem with it whatsoever, since the film, and Mel personally, received a reported 10-minute standing ovation. In case you need a refresher, The Beaver is about a burned out family man who learns self confidence through a beaver hand puppet, which then threatens to take over his life. It's a "dark comedy/drama," so I'll give you three guesses at the shocking twist ending!
But now that he clearly has his mojo back, what's next for The Man Without A Face? Well, how about Lethal Weapon 5? He's never looked more like a burned out, dangerous cop on the edge (see below for his lethal killing stance, and we know Danny Glover's not busy. For that matter, I think Joe Pesci valet parked my car last night, so why not bring the gang back together and teach the Tracy Morgans/Bruce Willises of the world how black/white action comedies are done? If we have to crowd-source the financing, I got ten bucks on it. Enjoy the view. Drink it in...
Special Bonus Buttcrack Photo!!!!
[all photos via WWTDD]