"Traveling With The 99%": A Handy Guide To Onboard Drinking

Tip #1: Bus Drinking Etiquette

Because the title of this article is "Traveling With The 99%," we understand that these travel tips cannot be limited to air travel alone. Plane tickets are absurdly expensive, and many of us may find ourselves hopping a Greyhound, Peter Pan, or Chinatown bus sometime in the next few weeks. The good news is, as far as bus drinking etiquette goes, the rules are exceedingly simple. First of all, it is impossible to be the drunkest person on a bus, so don't even worry about that. Even in the rare instance that you can't identify the flask-chugging door-to-door salesman, the openly masturbating hobo, or the prostitute bringing a belt and a spoon into the restroom, the odds are good that, at the very least, the bus driver is drunker than you are. So don't stress it! In fact, you're going to have to be pretty loaded to endure the 18-hour slog to Portland, so not getting drunk seems like a bad idea. The one and basically only non-financial advantage of taking the bus over flying is that nobody's going to frisk you on the way in, so you might as well load up on your substance of choice. [photo via]