Patti Stanger knows men. To be more specific, Patti Stanger knows LA men. Now thanks to Patti and 3 seasons of the Millionaire Matchmaker, we have a pretty good idea of the types we're likely to meet in LA:
The Beverly Hills Brat: He's high maintenance, entitled to his family's fortune, and may just have a butler who hand feeds him grapes. He thinks he's the kind of man that other men want to be and the kind of man women want to be with. Patti's verdict? "A total wackadoo."
The Trauma Victim: While he seems quirky (read: strangely bizarre), his weirdness is actually a defense mechanism to keep him from getting burned again. Patti's got a soft spot for these types. Her aid to Trauma Victims reserves her a special place in heaven.
The Hunted: He's so hot that it's ruined him. Yes, it's possible. He's so accustomed to being huntED that he never gets off the couch and actually becomes the huntER. Luckily, there is a cure. It's called Patti Stanger.
The Siamese Twins: They're doomed to terminally double date because they need the moral support of a fellow man to lie and tell them everything's going to be okay. Or in man language, "hey buddy...the girl's trash anyways." Patti knows the truth. The Siamese Twins might as well marry eachother.
The Ageist: He claims age is all relative but really in a perfect world, the woman is exactly twenty nine and three quarters forever. How LA cliche can you get? Cue Patti's gagging noises.
The Ignorant Hottie: Oh the frustrating search for the ever elusive Ignorant Hottie, the guy that's super hot and doesn't know it. Expert anthropologist Stanger informs us that he's "very non-indigenous to this area known as Los Angeles."
The Malibu Millionaire: Typically new money, he suffers from NPD, or Narcissistic Perfectionist Disorder. He thinks he deserves the whole package, but in Patti's opinion his "uglier than ug" overly showy car is less, MUCH less, than perfection.
Sex Toy Dave: His name is Dave. He sells sex toys.
The Name Dropper: He's connected to anyone worth being connected to. You're lucky to be connected to him too. In short, he's what Patti terms the dreaded bragosaurus.
The Vagabond: Incredibly proud of his audacious lifestyle and rakish ways, the Vagabond is the constant drifter. His diagnosis is brought to us by Patti's faithful lackey, Dustin: the Vagabond has "shiny ball syndrome."
The Renaissance Guy: He's entrepreneurial, spiritual, charitable, athletic, attractive, and funny. Don't try and pull one past Patti. There's probably something wrong with him.
So what is it exactly that these men are looking for? They're looking for what Patti calls the Holy Grail, also known as "the MENSA model." Surprisingly, there are some LA girls who have never been compensated for being beautiful and have never been privy to the secrets of MENSA. We can only cross our fingers for a Patti Stanger intervention.