What Do All Those Agent Assistants Do On The Weekend?

by Emily Green · June 24, 2010

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Throw a bitchin' house party, duh! It's not easy covering the desk of a busy Hollywood suit.  The legendary tales of being at the beck and call of agents have pervaded the mailrooms from Beverly Hills to Century City. Horror stories of staplers thrown at heads, having to read three scripts a night that probably include some painful biopic of Joseph Stalin, and being made to stand in hours-long lines for the iPad abound.

Agent assistants face the brunt of their bosses' wrath when things go wrong and regardless of who is to blame, regularly take the fall.  It's just part of the job. Their 11+ hour-long days are filled with coffee runs and other such mind-numbing tasks of answering phones, rolling calls, making endless photocopies, and scheduling multiple dinner reservations.

These glorified bitches needs to find some sanctity and salvage their dignity, and the weekends are their time to get back to neutral. A good, sloppy rager can do wonders for the human condition and house parties are ideal for letting off steam without wreaking havoc on a humble bank balance.  Let's explore the ways these agency lackies lick their wounds and let loose before it all starts again on Monday...


Much like the comfort a baby finds in suckling milk from a bottle, an assistant may find healing on the winning end of a chilled Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio they bought on sale at BevMo.

White wine from the bottle never tasted so good...


They bust out the plaid like whoa. Nothing says "I'm just like you" like a trusty flannel. And after having to sport a suit all week for at least 12 hours a day, snuggling into a plaid is simply delightful.

Urban much?


Remember the good ol' days of college when life was simple and just showing up to an 11am lecture genuinely felt like a small victory worthy of a heartfelt pat on the back, regardless of your blood-alcohol level? Reverting back to college-era behavior is a classic tactic to capture the spirit of some of that carefree debauchery before life in the dog-eat-dog agency world.

Solo cups and a generous scattering of food and debris can instantly transport you back to college glory days.


They burn off some of that pent up frustration and resentment for their bosses they've been suppressing all week. House parties are safe havens for letting it all out.  It can be quite therapeutic, but the party may become flooded with emotions.

"Oh, a reservation for two at the Ivy? Reserve THIS, fucker!! And who the FUCK spends $25 on a salad?!?"


Similarly, they are able to display their positive emotions discouraged all week in the work place. Bromance and fratty love is free to blossom.

"We are SO frat right now, dude"


Miller High Life is their best friend.  After neglecting it all week, house parties are the perfect opportunity to log in some quality time with their loyal BFF and bring it out to party.