Since July started, you could really use a Slurpee. The 99º days, where you only get sunburned on your left side because you were sitting in traffic for an hour, and then you need to use a crowbar to pry yourself off of the car seat. The "I didn't think it got like this in LA" nights, where you wake up at 4 a.m. in a puddle of sweat like it's a Vietnam flashback or something, so overheated that your friends have to stop you from stabbing open a freezer pak and drinking whatever comes out.
Yeah, it's been hot, and not to sound like we're getting paid by 7-Eleven, because we're not, but a cool, frosty Slurpee would have really hit the spot. It's now July 11th, and to celebrate this numeric coincidence, they're giving away a 7.11oz Slurpee to anyone today, absolutely free. There's only one problem: for the first time in two weeks, it's not really very hot today, is it?
71º and cloudy? After all this? Seriously, I've spent the last two weeks trying to figure out how little clothing I can wear when I jump into my neighbor's kiddie pool without being considered a sex offender. That's how freaking hot it's been. And now, the first time the working man was set to catch a break, in the form of free frozen sugar water, Mother Nature decides to sleep in? I don't want a Slurpee when it's in the high 60's, then I just feel like a coma patient, eating lunch through a straw. I want a Slurpee when I'm sweating so much that I'm not ashamed to be drinking something that's 86% corn syrup and promoting Cowboys & Aliens.
I mean, I understand that 7-Eleven is somewhat locked into having this promotion on 7/11. But surely they understand where I'm coming from too. Look, 7-Eleven, you owe me. 90% of my non-bar drunk spending happens inside your doors. So unless you want to see a serious reduction in your 2 am sales of firewood, Fat Tire and Zig Zags, cut me a rain check on the free Slurpee. Please?