Remember Rolling Stone magazine? "No" is an acceptable answer. After all, it's been a long, long time since the days of Hunter S. Thompson and Greil Marcus. And while they can still commission the occasional Matt Taibbi drive-by shooting, it now fits so incongruously between fluff profiles of "American Idol" contestants and five-star reviews of Kanye West albums that their best work comes off like a professor wandering through a frat party, trying to wade through a sea of puking co-eds and beer-bong toting freshmen. But hey, you might say, they're a magazine about modern pop culture, and even if the quality has slipped, they're still accomplishing their stated mission. To which I would then reply: did you know they're opening a chain restaurant?
That's right, the home of Robert Christgau and Lester Bangs will now be able to add french fries to your turkey burger for $1.50 extra when the Rolling Stone Restaurant & Lounge opens later this year, here in Los Angeles.
"According to a spokesperson, the previously rumored Rolling Stone restaurant will open in a few months. From the official website: 'Introducing Rolling Stone Los Angeles (RSLA), the first Rolling Stone Restaurant & Lounge. Capturing the edgy-yet-elegant spirit of one of the world's most iconic music magazines, we now invite you to a new Rolling Stone experience." (Also, WWD reports that the publication plans to push its 'licensing business into new categories, including electronics and gaming and fashion-based products that are inspired by the magazine’s rock ’n’ roll roots.')"
In other words, not only are we getting another rock n' roll themed restaurant (you know, in case the Rainbow Room is too edgy for you), but it's the precursor to RS-branded mp3 players, faux-vintage t-shirt lines, and, if I'm reading this correctly, video games. Maybe in the video game, you play a Rolling Stone intern that has to travel back in time to prevent the critics from giving Nirvana's Nevermind a lukewarm three-star review (15 years later, of course, it made their 500 Greatest Albums of All-Time). Or maybe you have to stop them from releasing this cover:
In fact, enjoy this entire list of its 25 most misguided covers.
So will the Rolling Stone restaurant be terrible? Probably not. A burger's a burger, and if you claim you've never enjoyed the easy fare and oversized drinks of a chain restaurant, you're either a liar or your head is so far up your own ass that you've already taken care of lunch anyway. In fact, when it opens, I promise you we'll eat there and let you know how it is. But don't blame me if you order a virgin piña colada and find yourself dosed with LSD. That's just the spirit of Hunter S. Thompson, evening the score.