USC Running Back Suspended For Drunken Rant... At Voyeur

by Alex Gilman · July 19, 2011

According to the official USC Athletics website, USC student-athletes are "champions on and off the field." Why, then, would the Trojans have any issue whatsoever with star running back Marc Tyler, who was caught on video last week unleashing some championship-caliber drunken B.S. about the, um, perks of playing for a Pac-10 (excuse me, Pac-12) powerhouse? I mean, I guess strongly insinuating that athletes make more money at 'SC than in the pros is kind of a brick, and suggesting that every Heisman trophy winner gets to take a turn on Kim Kardashian must be tough for Kris Humphries to hear, but are those really reasons to suspend a talented returning senior rusher with a bright NFL future?

What if the video were taken outside of so-last-year Republican fetish palace Voyeur? Yeah, that might be embarrassing. I mean, I thought USC football stars were the princes of Los Angeles, young, vital sports heroes who could open every door in the city. What would Carson, Reggie, Matt and Mark say if they could see what their velvet-rope-hopping, panty-dropping legacy has been reduced to? Thursday nights at freaking Voyeur? No wonder they suspended him.

Of course, the video itself is unimpeachable. "We all win our Heismans, we all gonna ball, and we all get in Kim Kardashian" is the new go-to quote for absurdly over-the-top hubris now that Charlie Sheen is a humble working actor again. And "we break bread" can be the new "straight cash, homie," at least until Randy Moss is employed again.

So Marc, whatever happens in the next few days, don't sweat it. You've got a bright future, you've probably already got a few hundred-k in the bank, and as our good buddy Ron Artest has been proving, there's plenty of growth opportunity for athletes with some comedic timing. Sure, you're going to miss the opener against Minnesota, but thanks to Reggie Bush, I'm pretty sure you guys have to forfeit every other game until 2021 anyway, so relax.

Just, the next time you and your buddies decide to go out, please, please, think about where. You have a reputation to uphold, after all.

[photo via, video via]