Snooki Discusses Her Badonk In Literary Debut

Just when you thought  Jersey Shore's Snooki had exhausted her linguistic talents with drunken rants, she pens the unthinkable:  a memoir based on her Seaside Heights lifestyle. Is the Snook our newest belle-lettriste?

Simon and Shuster will release Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's A Shore Thing later this week, and the New York Post has the excerpts.

Books have been at something of a distance from the guidette's life; she has famously admitted to reading only "Twilight" and Nicholas Sparks's "Dear John." But have not fear; Snooki's true strength--aside from her muscular prose style--comes from her improbably smooth literary juxtapositions.

She mixes the bacchanal with the corpulent...

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

...the gorillian with the culinary:

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

...the testicular with the steroidal:

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

...the choreograhpic and the gaseous:

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

...the amorous and the gluteal:

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

[Image via Daily News]