Everything You Need to Know: The Fixie

 

Having just read a great post from The Cajun Boy on the Emo Douche, I thought I was only fitting to educating our readers on the fixie, the bike of choice for Hipsters, The Emo Douche, and The Messenger Douche.  The fixie is a fixed gear bike with no gear ratio (i.e. the pedals always turn in the direction of the wheel, so you can't coast and you are always pedaling).  In order to stop a Fixie, the rider generally applies pressure backwards on the pedals in order to slow the bike down (many fixie riders don't even put on hand breaks on their bike).   This is cause for considerable confusion, given the fact that fixies are used by multiple types of douches in urban environments, places where quick breaking is essential. 

How exactly the fixie rose to cult status is about as unclear as why the emo douche exists.  You may have seen fixie riders before at stop lights, trying to balance while still standing on the pedals, and showing off their sweet fixie riding skills.  Fixie riders often have large amorphous ugly plastic messenger bags, spacers in their ears, some don cycling caps to further stand out, and they usually roll up part of their Dickies pant leg so as not to get caught in the chain. Fixie riders also enjoy walking around with abnormally large chain locks for their bikes, a form of urban peacockery.