Everything You Need to Know: The Square Toe Loafer

The ubiquitous square toe loafer, a favorite of the Bridge, Tunnel, and Train crowd.  During the work week from 9-5 they can usually be spotted in the back office of most corporations, such as the IT or HR department.  After 5, you can find them clumping around cheesy happy hours.  And on the weekend, they are a fashion mainstay of such ecstacy-ridden clubs as Crobar, Chrome, and Limelight. 

So why exactly are these shoes so loathsome?  Because they exhibit zero if not negative style sense.  There is no precision in the amorphous design, and there is such a wortheless excess of material that it makes your head spin.  The soles look like Caterpillar treads, and the thick leather looks like it was skinned from a 1985 Cadillac Seville.  And of course the Pilgrimesque square shaped toe box is the antithesis to the shape of the human foot.  This is a major fashion Don't.  But, if you still want to hang with the metrosexual Hoboken crowd, you can pick up a pair of these shit-kickers at Aldo.