For The 'Dro, Press 'G5'

by SAMANTHA QUEEN · February 11, 2008


Marijuana vending machines have arrived -- and of course, California has ‘em first, reports CNN. The beauty here extends beyond the easy access. It’s all about the concept of the store, the Tu Pac posters, and the guy behind the counter. Somehow, we went from debating the legality and desirability of medicinal marijuana to providing it via vending machines in stores invoking Tu Pac that are watched over by chubby bearded guys in tie-dye. And did he really say just that “purple kush … is a heavy body high”? Sir, I’d like to see that prescription, whenever you’re ready. "What? Oh … well, sure … I’d love some Doritos. Oh, wow, yeah … a donut would be great, too."

I also love the whole concept of the Herbal Nutrition Center (HNC), where patients will be able to score fill prescriptions for anti-deps, pain meds, Viagra, and the green good stuff. What about Claritin and the statins and the prescription-strength hemorrhoid creams? Clearly this is the X-rated version of the Duane Reade pharmacy counters we know and love. Where the HNC and their prescription vending machines (PVMs) are concerned, the veil of mainstream legitimacy is really more like one of those clear plastic shower curtains, minus any fog from hot water … or smoke from the fatty you just bake-boxed the bathroom with.

So, here’s the real question: when are the pot vending machines coming to New York? We can’t let California be THAT much cooler than us. How about this: I know a 320 sq. ft. space in the UES that would be perfect for a PVM. I’ll even throw up the Tu Pac poster, provided we can find one that doesn’t completely throw off my color scheme. Tie-dye, however, is a deal-breaker. This is the UES, after all.