Post-Sundance Postcard: Your Official Gaper Guide

by MADDY MADISON · March 5, 2008

skierNew York has its own version of Gaper Day, we just don’t notice because it’s an underlying state of being, like how your boss never really dropped that Staten Island accent so much as suppressed it like a scorching case of the clap. I imagine both are deal-breakers on match.com. Our city’s got hordes of touristy interlopers, water bottles in hand, gawking at the metropolis, and generally mucking up the place (but thanks for the revenue!). They’re New York Gapers but anyplace worth visiting has got its fair share. Park City, the town known for the Sundance Film Festival and ski resorts, is no different. On our weeklong excursion, we were bombarded with east coasters behaving badly. We can’t help but chuckle into our warm mugs of bourbon (spiked with cider) before boarding the plane back to New York. We give you the Official Gaper Guide:

gaper1. If you look like a Wham backup dancer having a seizure and spotting a cockroach while performing your signature midair Jazz Hands, then you might be a gaper.

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2. If you swath yourself in oddly-bunched monochromatic polyester, look like our high school cafeteria lady (sans hairnet), and can achieve the perfect mixture of stupefied horror and skeptical judgy-ness, then you might be a gaper.

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3. If you think caribou exist to be sheared to facilitate your poor fashion choices or served to you in a steaming cup by nubile young ski bunnies, then you might be a gaper.

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4. If your main objective is to grease the ski lift with your hair and bring back the Robocop look, well, then you might just be Eurotrash.

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