Do you have a product you would like to promote? Are you interested a promoter savvy enough to penetrate the Secret Service despite seeming to have less sense than a Courtney Love MySpace rant? White House party crasher Michaele Salahi is your gal!
I'm not really sure Michaele (don't you really just want to call her Michelle?) has any right to endorse products other than peroxide, Andy Warhol sayings and crazy. But hey, she's got 11,310 "fans" on Facebook (compared to 256 users who joined the group "Michaele Salahi is an idiot") so maybe she's fit to fill the shoes of Billy Mays after all. At least, she is aware (if not delusional) about her own influence and celebrity, telling (warning?) visitors to her page:
You'd think such a canny manipulator of the media and contemporary fame whoring would have less faith in the efficacy of self-censorship. But if she had, she probably would have done a better job of moderating the "discussion" segment of her page, which includes threads titled "selfish pigs!," "douchebags," "Poll: Does Michaela look like Tranny version of Ann Coulter or Donatella Versace?" (Ed. Note: Redundant) and, because this kind of inane online chatting always ends with racism, "it's mainly blacks moaning."
What a country! Still, my favorite post comes from an embittered vendor who alleges that the Salahi's never paid him for his work at a polo benefit event they hosted on the National Mall on 9/19/09. He also claims they are being investigated for charity fraud:
"Has anybody thought to themselves, Are they rich? Where do they get their money? Should they have been allowed in the White House?
Well they get their money from the polo events, by stealing from the charities. They are being investigated for charity fraud as of a few months ago...They end up taking 99.99% of the Charity money for themselves, the other 0.00001 goes to vendors, those that they actually do pay.
Anyway, check out the page for yourself. There's a video of Michelle promoting the polo event in question with a confused, scared Will.I.Am (who I think might have been blinking in morse code that he was being held captive) and photos with John McCain, Bill Clinton, Prince Charles and non-political celebrities like Jack Black, Matt Damon, Donny Osmond (looking like Marie) and, holy shit, Oprah.
With "friends" like those, you might think enemies don't matter. But with a possible Secret Service investigation pending and scads of repulsed onlookers slamming Michaele on the internet and elsewhere, hiring her as your product's spokeswoman would truly test the idea that there is no such thing as bad publicity.