Fleet Week 2011: How Not To Land A Seaman

by Deb Sperling · May 26, 2011

Ladies and gentleman, our favorite holiday has arrived. That's right, kids, yesterday marked the start of Fleet Week 2011! If you're on the prowl, there's still plenty of time to find your first mate. There are plenty of tips on how to land your very own sailor, but what should you avoid? Below are a few things you definitely shouldn't do if you want to stay afloat.

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1. Wear Any Sort Of Nautically-Inspired Outfit. The brave men and women who protect our seas have seen nothing but white and blue (and the occasional green) for months, and the last thing they want is to be reminded of work. A tiny bit of flair is a a fine way to show support for the people who serve our country, but don't overdo it. We're not saying a full-on skanky sailorette costume won't get you laid, but there are ways to catch some seamen without catching anything itchy.

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2. Memorize A Bunch of Navy Jargon. Again, we'll remind you that no one needs to spend their entire vacation being reminded of work. Showing interest in a sailor's job and personal accomplishments is appropriate, as is a cute, well-timed pun about floating his buoy, just don't become an encyclopedia of nautical terms. Instead, share what you already know from your own life and work experience.

3. Hit Up Tourist-y Bars Or The Majority Of Places Hosting Special Fleet Week Events. There are a few Fleet Week events worth checking out, but for the most part, you don't need to sink to the level of anyone in pastel shirts and white tube socks. The best time to meet sailors is outside, during the day, when they're still relatively sober and traveling in smaller packs. Obviously, the closer you are to port, the higher the odds, but most of Manhattan is rife with starched white uniforms. Catch someone's eye in a casual setting, and make some classy evening plans if you're so inclined.

If you absolutely must attend a sailor-specific happening, check out the free screening of Top Gun tomorrow night on the Intrepid (where there's lots of other fun, cheesy stuff happening this week) or check out this schedule of other free events.

4. Post A Craigslist Ad. This one really only applies to the straight ladies, because we do understand the need for discretion in certain cases. If you're heterosexual and female, all you really need to do this week is leave your apartment. If you're a gay dude or lady, or a chick with guy parts, post away!

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