Gwyneth Paltrow Is Selling Your Spirit Animal for $2,400

by Millie Moore · August 10, 2017

It was only a matter of time before Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop came out with an article about spirit animals, and frankly, we're shocked she hasn't done it already. 

The concept of "spirit animals" has devolved into a millennial buzzword that we regard as something that is "an actual thing" that "gives us life" and is "literally #goals." But like most things, it actually started out as a Native American concept that dates back centuries. So it makes sense that Goop interviewed Shaman Colleen McCann, whose name alone tells us she's from a tribe in Monterey, California or Greenwich, Connecticut (country clubs count as tribes, right?). 

Colleen goes on to divulge how to find your spirit animal to Goop aficionados. It's a process that involves a lot of mindfulness and introspection because your spirit animal may come to you: "Notice repetitive encounters with an animal within a physical interaction or in a symbolic form. Typically an animal might appear to you over and over again in an obvious way. For example, perhaps you almost hit three deer on three different encounters over the course of the week. Then, you turn on the TV, and the Discovery Channel is featuring migration patterns of caribou. You walk into a store and there are antlers decorating the wall. Someone compliments you on your 'doe-eyes.' Disney re-releases Bambi and you see advertisements for it everywhere. The medicine of deer is trying to speak to you."

Okay, cool, so a masturbating homeless man is my spirit animal. And he's sending a message that promotes self love and getting in touch with myself. That's totally on brand for me. 

Leave it to our favorite holistic hottie to try to make thousands of dollars off of an ancient spiritual practice. Gwyneth is selling 14 karat yellow gold rings that are embedded with your spirit animal for the very zen price of $2,400. Whether you're a lion or an eagle or a snake (looking at you, Taylor Swift!), Goop's got you covered!

These rings aren't our thing, largely because they're the same style as those tacky class rings your college tries to sell you in a last bid to squeeze money from you before you graduate. It's better than getting an ill-advised tramp stamp of your spirit animal over on St. Mark's in a drunken stupor, but maybe we'll stick to Etsy shops or vendors at Burning Man to get spirit animal accessories. Like yeah, they're still out of touch white people who don't really know anything about Native American traditions just like Goop, but at least it doesn't break the bank.

[Photo via @goop]

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