Goldman Sachs Sued By America: The Aftermath

by BILLY GRAY · April 16, 2010

Well, wow. The S.E.C. filed a suit against Goldman Sachs today claiming securities fraud. Despite my (complete lack of) financial savvy, I'm going to focus on some of the more tangential and less banker-y  victims of the story.

Jersey Shore: We may not know for sure if Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino has a brother at Goldman. But the thought of scandal tainting a Situation relative who got his GTL out of the way before showing up to work at 8 a.m. (and not at a T-shirt stand) would send shockwaves through Sleazeside.

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TGI Friday's cocaine dispensaries: So it's not the '80s anymore and today's Goldman bankers don't resemble Bud Fox all that much. But I suspect it wasn't the curators at the Bodies exhibit who made a Financial District TGI Friday's one of the most bustling coke markets on the eastern seaboard.

Jay-Z: Jay might actually have more money in the vault than Goldman these days, but the S.E.C.'s accusation against the investment firm will no doubt sting the rapper. He might just have to start making traffic-clogging visits to other completely random Financial District destinations. I recommend Cordato's, which like Goldman has been getting down to some deviant funny business for years. Speaking of...

...Cordatos, Pussycat Lounge and other area strip clubs: Yeah, yeah, jokes about I-bankers loving nudie bars are old. But Cordato's bodega/mammary mecca and Pussycat are like the poor and middle class man's Scores. Hopefully, Goldman regulars won't avoid these standbys for fear of any further controversy.

Matt Taibbi. We all know what happens when a vampire squid sees the light of day.