The Best Guests Come Bearing Gifts... Neat Meat

by EVAN MULVIHILL · August 4, 2009

United Steaks of AmericaThe United Steak of America. It's been exactly one month since the 4th of July, and our deep patriotism for the Land of Freedom still runs strong. So what better day to fashion a geographically sound sirloin to bring to your friend's BBQ? Steak is, after all, the third most American food after hamburgers and hot dogs. Don't think that the United Steak at left can't be topped, either. Surely someone could mold one where the lighter fatty parts represent rivers? Where are our glorious Rockies? Lastly, the whole thing clearly is screaming for a closed border to keep the Mexicans and Canadians out: someone please carefully wrap the edges with the fourth most American food, bacon, and grill this mother! Patriotism never tasted better.