The Fun Police Are Coming

by guestofaguest · January 2, 2008


Cocaine-addiction seems to be on everyone's mind today after some researchers at Baylor in Houston have announced that they are working on a cocaine vaccine that they are hoping will become the first-ever medication to treat people hooked on the drug. We are just going to point out that these guys are probably not part of the "cool club". They will become the official "fun police" of the year, however we are rooting for them. Marijuana may be the summertime fun-drug, but cocaine is in season year round. Especially in Manhattan. Thank god all this holiday merriment has reached it's end so that everyone will go back to their normal usage, and not their super-human-strength-I-am-invincible-speeds. Each night the bedtimes become a little bit later, and the dance moves a little bit more "flowy" and we just are sick of keeping up. Joking aside, that shit can be dangerous:

Side effects can include twitching, paranoia, and impotence, which usually increases with frequent usage. Overdoses cause tachyarrhythmias and a marked elevation of blood pressure. These can be life-threatening, especially if the user has existing cardiac problems. [Wikipedia]

So, maybe one of the reasons you aren't getting any after hours is because your partner is getting their boogie moves earlier on. The new vaccine would stimulate the immune system to attack the drug when taken (as of now, our systems are unable to recognize cocaine molecules because they are so small so they can't make antibodies to attack them). However, as Gawker reported on this new vaccine in the works (just before unleashing Julia Allison to the hounds), our favorite blogger pointed out:

Image of Ha Ha Sound BY HA HA SOUND AT 12:39 PM

So what would be the point of doing coke, then? It will just make you anxious without any of the good stuff. It'll be like... going to work.

With everyone from i-bankers to club kids snorting up the magic powder, it seems that New York is set to remain "Blasé about Blow". If this vaccine catches on, there are going to be a lot of grumpy people around town. Maybe everyone should just stick to the counseling and 12-step programs.