The Yoga Myth: A No-Nonsense Guide To Working Out

by Jack Hazan · October 13, 2011

Let's face it - summer is over and that is when we all begin to add on the pounds. What we don't realize is that your food diet only contributes to 70% of your weight the other 30% is all dependent on exercise. It's time to get off your tubby asses and into Richard Simmons mode.

1. Yoga makes you fat - I always found Yoga to be a ritual for vegan weirdos rather than a workout for the buff. To just lie on a straw mat and stretch? All that shit about mind, body and soul is just a way to lure you in. If you want to be in a relaxed state, ditch the yoga and down a bottle of Tanqueray.

(picture via)

2. Spin - Spinning can be the most amazing cardio experience when done right. To all you pervs who sit in the back of the class just to stare at the chicks (and guys for some of you) tight asses well that might get you laid, well not really because you have a beer belly, but the point stay focused. Take in the sound of Cher's greatest hits and get in third position (no pun intended).

[Photo via]

3. Kickboxing - Kickboxing is good because it kill two birds with one stone - you can learn how to defend yourself while working off your muffin top. It is always good to visualize someone you hate (like your mother-in-law) while punching that bag.

[Photo via]

4. Zumba - For all of you who don't know what Zumba is, it's a dance class, which usually consists of doing the Macarena to disco infused J.Lo songs. These poor women think that they are actually doing something by semi-dancing in place. Dancing is a hobby not a workout. Get real and get moving.

[Photo via]

5. Walking - Newsflash: Walking on the treadmill is just a lazy excuse for running. Walk all you want, but you'll be walking alone because your never going to burn that back fat without pumping up that speed. Backfat is the best way to stay single in 2011.

[Photo via]