So you've seen the previews about "High Society", but you have no idea who Tinsley Mortimer, Paul Johnson Calderon, or Malik So Chic actually are. Seeing as our job is to basically document the lives of these people, let us catch you up to speed...-
"But why should I care who any of these people are?" you ask?
Well you shouldn't, at all. But that gets us into a long sociological discussion of celebrity culture in America that we don't necessarily have time for today.
The point is, there's this show, it's airing on March 10th, it's probably going to be pretty hilarious, so you'll need to have these names in your arsenal to at least vaguely understand the jokes and references that are sure to populate your twitter feed for the next few months. So here we go:
Family: George Mercer, Father
Dale Mercer, Mother
Dabney Mercer, Sister
Education: Lawrenceville School, Columbia University (I know, right?)
Claim To Fame: Tinsley broke into New York society when she married her high school sweetheart, Topper Mortimer. The two became a fixture on the New York Charity Ball circuit around 2005, and for a long time Tinsley was the #1 girl on Socialite Rank, a website that consumed Manhattan high society for its year-long existence.
Rival: When Olivia Palermo emerged onto the scene three years ago during Winter Fashion Week, Tinsley reportedly hated posing for pictures next to her, which culminated in a rumor that Tinsley purposefully smashed into Olivia at a Charity Fashion Show, which Tinsley has always denied.
Marriage: Tinsley and Topper dominated the New York Social scene as the lively couple who dominated the dance floor at Charity Balls and were always good for a little PDA. Things turned sour and rumors of a split began to emerge in late 2008. The couple reportedly had a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding their marriage, which either Tinsley or Topper violated (though sources disagree on who did what). The couple was so popular that people were thrilled when they made an appearance together early last year, but alas, the couple did, in the end, separate (but not divorce!), though Tinsley's mom remains firmly on Team Topper.
So to recap: Tinsley married well, made good, and used her looks, personality, and tenacity to get where she is today.
Age: 24/25? (Graduated HS in '03)
Education: Deerfield, Trinity College
That Little Klepto Thing: PJC really started making headlines when the security cameras at The Eldridge caught him leaving with a young lady's purse earlier this year. Soon after, his friendship with Jules ended when she accused him of stealing her blackberry. He was even kicked out of her birthday party last summer.
More Security Camera Trouble: Last Fall, PJC was caught red-handed again, this type after breaking, entering, and apparently trashing an acquaintance's apartment. So like. He's got some issues.
So To Recap: He likes tartan, bowties, ladies purses.
Family: She's descended from the Dreyfus family on her mother's side (as in Julia Louis-Dreyfus but not Richard, The French banking family but not "The Dreyfus Affair"), and her father is lawyer Roger Kirby.
Claim To Fame: Jules has long been a selfless and passionate advocate of numerous worthwhile charities and is known in New York for her tireless dedication to philanthropic pursuits. Oh, wait. No she isn't. Jules is a party girl who broke out onto the scene when she dated Olivia Palermo's cousin Nevan Donahue. Also, despite frequent claims of being friends with Prince Harry, we could find NO such evidence on the internet, at least.
Sometimes, Jules Doesn't Make Great Choices: Like when she stole an American flag in Southampton on Fourth of July and subsequently got arrested. Or when she posed for the above picture.
Actually, Jules Never Seems To Make Good Choices: Like when she allegedly ruined a couture gown and refused to pay for the damage. Or when she told the CW that she openly uses the "N" word and isn't friends with black, Jewish, or gay people. Or probably when she decided to appear on "High Society" at all.
So To Recap: Maybe Jules will surprise us by turning out to be a sincere, down to earth, intelligent person. But we doubt it.
Family: The Trachtenbergs of Newton, Massachusetts, dahhling! Devorah was born Deborah Denise Trachtenberg, but changed her name once she enrolled in Barnard. Her mother hails from Venezuela, and the President of Venezuela attended her grandmother's funeral but she has NEVER, ever used that to her advantage.
Claim To Fame: Devorah is the Editor in Chief of Social Life Magazine, which we're assured does in fact exist, at least from May-September in the Hamptons. Devorah is also the main writer for the blog "Perfectly Polished, Painfully Poised", which is a good read if you want to catch up on all things Devorah from 2007.
Devorah's Favorite Thing Is: Reality television! This will be Devorah's FOURTH reality-show appearance. She was a main-player on the ill-fated 10021, and she made cameos on "NYC Prep" and "Real Housewives Of New York City".
For More Info: Devorah has a MySpace (yes, still). It's not really easy to navigate but if you're looking for an illustrated look into her soul, it's the place to go. It's on her MySpace that she really shares her important life-philosophies, such as "Behind Every Great Woman Is A Man Checking Out Her Ass". Yes, it's hard being a business woman.
Claim To Fame: Being Tinsley's younger sister! Dabney has managed to stay pretty scandal free over the years, but she's a constant and loyal presence by her sister's side.
Matchmaker Matchmaker: Dabney seems to be an instrumental third in her sister's supposed relationship with Constantine Maroulis. A look at her twitter feed shows her constantly tweeting at, and referencing Constantine. Whether it's for her sister's benefit, or the benefit of the show, Dabney has always got her sister's back.
Age: 62, but looking amazing.
Claim To Fame: Dale Tatum married George Riley Mercer, and the family for a long time lived in Virginia before moving up to New York.
Mama Knows Best: Dale is intensely devoted to her two daughters, gamely putting up with being on the reality show and being dragged around town to various parties to break-up staged fights.
Team Topper: Dale is vocal about her affection for Tinsley's estranged husband, Topper Mortimer. Makes sense...wouldn't you rather bring Topper home to meet your mom than Constantine?
So To Recap: Team Dale! Dale is a nice woman, she genuinely loves her daughters, and seems like an all-around good Mom. We actually like her!
Obnoxious Self Description: Hi my name is Malik So Chic. I am the chicest boy in NYC nightlife. I host parties that you probably cant get into and go to parties with people you dont know.
Obnoxious Self Promotion: A while ago, someone jokingly said they wanted Malik So Chic to be the next Snooki. Well no one is pursuing this as fiercely as Malik himself, who has made numerous appeals on his twitter appealing for an agent or manager. Also, we have a feeling that "Malik So Chic" is a self-styled epithet.
Scandal: Uhm, his outfits? But besides that, nothing, although apparently there is no love lost between him and Andre Leon Talley, despite the frequent comparisons made between the two.
So To Recap: Malik is quitting his nebulous day job, so here's hoping he actually DOES become the next Snooki. Otherwise, he's gonna be Malik So Homeless.
Age: We'll be friendly and say 29. This is not accurate.
Claim To Fame: Peter is Topper's half brother, and Tinsley's half brother-in-law. His other sister is Upper East Site Socialite/Designer Minnie Mortimer.
Currently: The even-tempered and drama-free Davis is currently a writer for Vogue Italia.
Bad Decisions: Peter Davis' record is pretty clean except for the fact that he dated Paul Johnson Calderon. But hey. We all make mistakes when we're young.
Claim To Fame: None, really. Alexandra popped up on our radars in conjunction with this show. She's apparently Tins' bestie, and we did notice that at our redesign party she was one of the fiercest participants in the now infamous "bar-fight". We'll have to see how this one unfolds...
Are we missing anything? Send to firstname.lastname@example.org!