What were some of the most surprising thoughts on marriage you came across?
The French told me over and over again to be my husband's mistress...to keep the mystery alive in a marriage, to remain interesting and engaging and quit walking around the house in my grossest sweatpants. I loved that advice but I turned it around on them. I think you should both behave like you are trying to win over the other one again and again. All the work shouldn't fall on the woman.
And then the other advice I live is to stay your own person. I heard this over and over again in every single culture, even the more conservative ones. You have to maintain your own life outside of the marriage or your marriage is much more likely to fail. You don't become one when you get married. That is just bullshit.
I spent a lot of time talking to Orthodox Jewish women in Jerusalem. I wanted to know how they kept their marriages strong and their families safe in the face of constant political and social upheaval. What we talked about the most was self-care, taking the time to take care of yourself before you try to take care of a partner or your family so that you can stay strong and centered.
[Photo via @jopiazzaauthor]
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