[Photo by Steven Sebring, Vanity Fair] Patti Smith's new profile in the Times is downright hurtful, mainly because it seems for one shining moment that Patti is all relatable and normal and whatnot. But just when we think she might be, oow! punch in the eye!-
For every factoid that makes us think Omg, Patti is just like us! there's a caveat that makes us realize, no, Patti has lived in Detroit, is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and once accidentally danced off a stage in Tampa and broke her neck. We can never be a part of her world. To wit:
She wears secondhand clothes.
Oh. Except her boots were given to her by "Jonny Depp, who wore them as the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland."
In fact, she dresses just like us.
"[Y]ou could easily have mistaken her for one of any number of androgynous downtown hipsters adopting skinny jeans and boyfriend coats as a low-key urban armor."
Except she originated that style. And is a sort of muse for Ann Demeulemeester, Christophe Decarnin of Balmain and Limi Yamamoto of Limi Feu.
She's gained some weight.
"Ms. Smith has filled out over the years, no longer the lanky consort of Robert Mapplethorpe."
Wait, what the crap? Not really. Look at these photos:
Patti Smith, 1975 Patti Smith, Marc Jacobs2010 [Photo by Robert Mapplethorpe [Photo from PMc]
Sometimes she gets annoyed by Times Reporters.
Apparently because reporter Ruth La Ferla keeps asking her if other people influence her style, "a hint of testiness ruffl[es] her easy composure." Later "storm clouds gather in her eyes." Patti says things like, "My style says ‘Look at me, don’t look at me’ . . . . It’s, ‘I don’t care what you think.’ ”
We're only irritated by Times reporters from afar. Also, storm clouds don't gather in our eyes. We just put on our choke-out face.
She washes her clothes in the sink.
While she's on tour and being badass because she is Patti Smith.
What's next, NYT? Gonna try to convince us that Barack Obama has adult acne and then be like, oh wait, those are cysts full of awesome?