It may not be porn in a cup, as Brooklyn's The Pulp & The Bean's "Dieci" was dubbed with its ten espresso shots, but it's certainly intense. Why am I angry?
I kind of hate the Starbucks size classifications, because they seemed inconsistent--a mix of English ("tall") and Italian for big ("grande") and twenty ("venti," as in 20 oz)--and ultimately euphemistic by labeling the "small" with a misleading and size-padded word. Of course, there was the whole issue of whether to pronounce the Italian in an authentic accent and sound obnoxious or just Americanize it and sound like an idiot.
In preponderance of this trilemma, I felt it always easier just to order small, medium, or large. Sometimes a surly Starbucks employee would offer a verbal correction or clarification, but more often than not, the communication came off flawlessly; my lattes tasted all the sweeter with the knowledge that I had not fallen into the corporate-designed trap of a Seattle-based coffee company trying to bill itself as an Italian cafe.
But I fear, my dear caffeinated brethren, those days are over.
As Reuters reports, Starbucks will unveil the Trenta ("thirty" in Italian, though the cup actually has 31 oz) tomorrow in 14 states. California will get its hands on the Trenta come February 1, and all states can take a dose of this stuff come May 3.
Solidarity as we face this peril!
[Image via Eater]
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Thursday, December 12
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