5 Signs That You Need To Cut Yourself Off

by Anna Lombardi · August 23, 2011

Whether you are of age, underage or just plain too old to be making a fool of yourself, we have all been there. You know where "there" is. "There"  is that time of the night (or afternoon) when you have had that final beer, slurped down that last shot, or found yourself trying to prove something during your minute long keg stand. Whatever your poison, it is at this point you become aware of how done you really are. You begin your search for a sober friend, a spot to sit down, but above all, a time machine to go back and re-do the past half hour of alcohol consumption. Much like the calm before the storm, we've noticed that there is the stupid before the sick. These stupid moves are usually a red flag that you are on your way to a blackout night.

The "no big deal" text.

A few types of text messages fall under this category.

The classic ex text. The ex text includes a ex "fling" or ex boyfriend/girlfriend that you reach out to because at 2:30 in the morning you have convinced yourself that it is "no big deal" to say I miss you, because things ended okay.

Then there is the text you give out to the person who is least interested in you, but it is "no big deal' if he/she doesn't respond because you haven't made an attempt to reach out in so long, surely they wont think that you are annoying.

Another one of our favorite "nbd" text is the blast from the past message, this is when you randomly hear a song or joke that makes you think of somebody from high school or elementary school and you begin searching your phone book, even messaging mutual friends for your old friends new number. This random text messaging is "no big deal" because of the history you once shared... like 15 years ago.

You catch my drift? Once you start justifying your sloppy text messages with, "no big deal" it usually means you are spiraling downhill, and fast.

Of course the last thing this girl saw before passing out was her cell phone [photo via]

You have convinced yourself that you are the worlds best dancer.

Drinking and driving is illegal, dangerous and irresponsible, and if you are like me, so is drinking and dancing. I am going to make this really easy for you. The line gets crossed when buzzed drinking and dancing turns aggressive. Buzzed dancing is awesome, you get a little rhythm going, you can get your flirt on, it is cute. Heavily drinking and dancing is when cute becomes cocky and all of a sudden you think you can pull off moves you really can't. We can go back in and take pictures of some random people dancing at Nellos or Georgica Monday's, but why throw  innocent party goers under the bus when we are sometimes the worst of them all...

[Aggressive, lets just say that guy is not looking in my direction because he thought I was on dancing with the stars, more like dancing with the disasters. This go to body sway is one of my favorites, but it is simply my warm up into....]

..THE ROBOT. Oh lord, I have roboted my arms off this summer. If the Canadian Tuxedo had a dance move it would be the robot, because there is nothing okay about either.

Bathroom party

You know things are taking a turn for the worst when you find yourself making a party in the bathroom complete with instagram, new "friends", inappropriate tweeting and self photography.

You fall in love, with your cell phone

I have been noticing that usually before things get super sloppy there is a 15 minute window where nobody is entertaining enough for you. This is when you move over to a little corner, and whip out your smart phone only not for drunk texting (this move comes before the messaging) this time is simply for your entertainment. You may start to look at old pictures that make you laugh, or make you sad, you may start youtube-ing or just refreshing your twitter account over and over looking for a good laugh. My personal favorite is this kid..

This kid's face is the last thing I see before roboting, gets me every time... [photo via]

Bottle Slurping

Once you don't care about the amount of alcohol you are consuming, you are asking for it. Slurping from a bottle is a great way of letting everybody know you are a hot mess, and on your way to blackout city.

Easy there girlfriend....

Looks like somebody has been cut off, and she does not seem too happy about it..

I spy with my little eye a coffee Patrone bottle, and a man who is going to feel gnarley in about 20 minutes

Tick, tock... that the clock counting down the moments until the undeniable self destruction