"Best 2K I Ever Spent!" Wendy James Racine Spins And We Solve Mysteries

by SUSANNAH LONG · May 13, 2010

DJ and musician Wendy James Racine worked the wiki-wiki angle, while dancing drinkers worked their bodies and we worked our deductive reasoning skills. Following clues is fun and educational. There are always mysteries lurking around clubs, and we make it our business to find out. The smoky air, distractingly awkies flirtations, throbbing beats, and dance-floor grandstanding cannot hide the truth from us, Detective GUEST VON GUEST. Watch and learn, our little Watsons.

Those glasses + that barely restrained predatory stare + that very defined pectoral muscle = He is Clark Kent. He has X-Ray vision.

The dopey, childlike expression on Leather Jacket Guy + the terrified look on Mr. Tousled = those are the first cigarettes they've ever put in their mouths. They might actually be smoking candy cigs.

He is wearing a hat + He looks sad = He is bald under his hat.

He is pale and fragile + All his hair is brushed in one direction + There is a flag motif = He is that little girl on the Les Miserables poster. Further proof:

Beyond a shadow of a doubt.

There are white tiles behind him +His fists are up = He is protecting himself from bathroom robbery/rumpusing at the hands of the photog.

A group effort is being made to cover White Shirt's upper lip + Crazy Eyes = He has a nuclear mustache

His wrist is held tightly against her neck + Her eyes are closed = This isn't the first time he's dance-choked someone. So we meet again, Dance Choke Bandit.

Body Language + Plaid Shirt + Jean Jacket + Intense stare = They are father and son. What? No, shut up, your theory doesn't make sense. Leave the deduction to the professionals.

Headphones + complicated control board = She is an air traffic controller

Very bangy bangs = She has a fivehead, and she is ashamed.

Two straws + Sharply Sideswept bangs = She has an alternate personality who sometimes emerges when the dance floor beats get too loud.

Both genders represented in picture + Variety of facial expressions = Golly, people are different from one another.

His facial position and closed eyes + her patient Jennifer Tilly face = He is smelling her scalp. She is okay with this, as long as he doesn't try to chew on itl

Size of gauged earholes + long nimble fingers = He enjoys throwing quarters through his own ear-holes.

Girl 1's hair + Girl 2's body language = Girl 1's hair is going to devour anything in its path. Girl 2 is terrified to watch, but knows this is a learning experience.

[Photos courtesy of Icanteachyouhowtodoit]