New York|Nightlife

Breaking: Women Party At 40, Plus Signs You're Too Old To Be Clubbing

USA Today has a bullshit trend story today about ladies who like to party. Ladies who are 40. Which, OK, fine, have at it. You are never too old to have fun.  Age is just a number. Everything depends on how you feel inside and other cliches. We take a look this bogus trend along with some signs that you have matured past your clubbing prime.

In the article, the author points out girlfriend getaways and "exotic no-kids vacations with spouses,' with amazement as if women hit 4-0 and fade away into a domesticated puddle void of needs or personality. Can you believe they have parties "like a new Sweet 16"?

I'm not anywhere near 40, but I can say for sure, I will still be active, still be having fun, still be me. It's not like the trend is for these women to hit all night keggers where they are shotgunning Four Loko and topless dancing on the Formica tabletops at frat parties before returning home to kiss their kids and husband to bed. They are going on vacations and having get togethers.

I'm sure you have seen older women out at the clubs having fun. Just look at Disco Sally, the 77-year-old whose dance moves made her the hottest club kid at Studio 54.  And we've all seen episodes of Sex & The City where the gals hit Bed or some other trendy nightclub, on opening night no less.

So 20's, 30's 40's, 50's and beyond it doesn't matter. There is a point however, where most people do outgrow the party scene irrespective of age.  It's not that you need botox instead of a new dress before a big night out, or your worried that you'll run into one of your kids, it's much more subtle.

  • What used to be your favorite club now feels crowded, hot, dirty, rowdy, and ultimately, far too loud. How did you ever like this place?!?!?
  • You have no idea how to dance anymore and you barely want to.  You force yourself out of some obligation to the concept of 'having a good time." You try and fake it by clapping and moving from side to side slowly. What is this song anyway?  Is this even music?   It's just like, tones.  Where are the words, the melody? You realize you are dancing like your mother at weddings and sit down instantly.
  • Grinding/dry humping to a beat in public is no longer fun nor hilarious. It's just kind of gross.

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  • But not as gross as the bathrooms. You just can't. You actually leave the space, go across the street to the five star restaurant, use their facilities and come back. The lines are shorter anyway.
  • PDAs are out of the question. You have your own apartment sans roommates. Why not just leave the venue? Not like that will happen. You have standards nowadays. You need to know someone, have a conversation, feel a connection. Samantha Jones you are not.
  • When you see someone doing something reckless or dangerous you don't want to join in, you want to scold them.
  • You not only don't like the crowd, you don't understand them. Who are these people? Do they go to work looking like that?  How do they function in normal society?  They're demented.

  • Parties that start at 10-11pm om the weekdays are automatically out of the question. You are already in bed.  Drugs are also not on the early bird special in any way, shape, or form. You are way passed the phase of your life where you feel immortal.
  • You only have one drink because not only do you need to wake up the next morning, but you actually care about your obligations. Plus, you get a hangover after half a glass of wine.
  • It's eleven pm already! Oh my you need to get home and get to bed. It's so late and you're exhausted.
  • You're not the oldest one in the club. Not by a long shot, but you feel like you are. You just can't stop thinking about how young everyone looks.
  • It's just not fun anymore.

I'm sure there are plenty of others as well. And that's alright.  Cheers to you. And to me on certain nights! It doesn't mean you're less fun or OLD. It just means you have moved on to other things that interest you more at this time in your life whether you are 21 or 4-0.