High Society's "socialite" and bigot Jules Kirby likes to "hang out with blue collar people" at "scummy" bars downtown. Last night she deigned to mingle with the lepers at the Doghouse Saloon. Where should she slum next?

Mars Bar: An obvious choice, but a good one. Last night I stopped by Mars and met up with a homeless 'Nam vet who told me about his experiences shooting civilians and also deer within five minutes of meeting me. And alleged cokehead Jules could really mix up her nose-powdering routine with a bump in one of the foulest bathrooms in Manhattan.

Ray's Candy Store: Something of a nexus for the East Village's remaining punk lowlifes, Ray's Avenue A sweet shop would provide Jules with some priceless eye candy. She could also scarf down some hot dogs or an obscenely generous serving of Belgian fries to really get her poor on. And since Jules pretends to come from money, she could throw a few bucks toward Ray as he fights to keep his business alive.

The Cock: Jules just loves the gays. So a trip to this infamous, Lindsay Lohan-approved East Village sleaze station would make her night. I'm not sure how Jules would react to the very public blowjobs and piss-drinking that The Cock is known for, but surely her reaction would make for yet another memorable, hateful soundbite.

Milano's: Well this place was a doozy on St. Patrick's Day. I wound up spending the better part of two hours talking to a "survivalist" convinced that the end is nigh. She bakes her own bread and makes her own meat (I didn't ask), all to prepare for the day when New Yorkers are living in underground bunkers. She's also a seamstress who would like to start her own bridal line. Milano's served free corned beef and cabbage on St. Pat's, obviously a concession to the wretched refuse (and Bono) crowding the narrow bar.

Odessa: Another Avenue A institution just an IV needle's throw away from Tompkins Square Park's gutter punk row. The Ukrainian diner (open 24 hours on weekends) has the friendliest Mexican waitstaff on earth. Too bad Jules doesn't eat ethnic food.