A Manners Guide For The Twenty-Something New Yorker
It's hard being in your 20s in NYC. Love is a battlefield, and so is work/the coffee shop/the subway/the bar. You know what else? Sometimes people are rude and annoying. We polled all our friends, and compiled some etiquette suggestions for the young New Yorker.-
-
-
Wouldn't it be so much easier to get along if everyone just followed these simple suggestions?
At the coffee shop/restaurant/store
-Never order/pay for something while on your cellphone.
-Also, don't incessantly gab away on your phone while waiting in line for something, forcing everyone else to listen to your conversation as well.
-Don't begin your order with "Uh, gimme a <blank>." That is rude.
-If you pay part in cash and part on card, make sure you tip for the TOTAL amount...not just what got charged to the card.
-If you aren't holding or hovering over your items in a sample sale, they are fair game!
-Outlets can be scarce in coffee shops! Unplug your computer if the battery is full to let someone else charge up.
-Don't take your shoes off in coffee shops and curl up on the couch/upholstered chair where other people would want to sit. Don't take your shoes off, ever.
-If you're going out for someone's birthday, you will all pay for the birthday person. Duh. There is NO excuse not to do this, and if you can't afford it, DON'T GO!
-When dining out with a group, be aware of what you are ordering. If you get the Steak Frites and the expensive wine and an appetizer and coffee while everyone else gets, like, an entree, don't be like "Let's just split it, shall we?"
-If you have to peace out early and are calculating your share of the bill before you go, take both tip AND tax into account. Tax is 9%, tip is 20%, so you need to leave almost a third more than the sum of your drinks and food.
At The Bar
-If a drunk patron at a bar asks for a cigarette, give it to them. Better they get one more stick of cancer than you.
-If someone asks for a light, and you HAVE a light, give it to them. Don't be a jerk.
-If you get really drunk, always send an apology note/text the next day.
-If you spill your drink on someone, offer to buy them a beer! All will be forgiven.
-Most people have a relatively accurate sense of how tall or short they are. So if you're tall, maybe don't stand in the very front at a concert, thereby blocking everyone elses' view?
-Have one dollar bills ready so you can tip the bartender! A dollar per drink. (Same goes for Barista at smaller coffee places)
-If someone makes you a cocktail that requires muddling, shaking, mixing or stirring, you should tip more than $1.
-Don't flag down a server or a bartender and then not know what you want (or then turn to your friends and say "What do you guys want?"). BE READY!
-Don't open a tab for ONE drink!
-If you're at a bar, and your phone rings, don't answer it just to be like "Hello? Hello?! I can't hear you!". You knew that would happen. Just text.
-If someone buys a round of drinks, everyone should buy a round! If you're really broke, start hanging out in cheaper bars, or make sure to get them back next time.
-Be nice to bouncers and they will kick the jerks out of the bar for you.
Getting Here And There
-If you were driving, and needed to text someone, you would pull over, right? (RIGHT?). Well THE SAME THING APPLIES FOR WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK. If you are not good at walking and texting, and, unfortunately, most people aren't, you should move over to the curb, instead of swerving into people.
-Don't walk side-by-side in a LINE with your five best friends on the sidewalk. You are not a motorcade.
-ON THE SUBWAY: If your friend is sitting at another seat far away from you because there weren't any seats together, you should probably wait to resume your conversation instead of SHOUTING OVER the other passengers.
-Conversely, if two people who are clearly together sit in seats on either side of you, be polite and offer to move for them!
-If it's pouring outside and you have an umbrella, don't get under an awning--save that for the people who DON'T have an umbrella!
-Ladies, watch how you get into and out of a cab if you're wearing a skirt or a dress!
-Always carry cash so you can pay your share of the cab!
-Don't listen to your music on your phone ON SPEAKER on the subway. I don't care how good the song is: it sounds tinny and obnoxious.
-If someone on the subway is drunker than you, give up your seat. Better he or she pukes on the floor than on your head.
-Really, we are the age demographic that has no excuse NOT to give up our seats on the subway! Unless the train is empty enough for there to be plenty of seats for everybody, you should probably be standing, and always ALWAYS offer your seat to older/pregnant/impaired riders!
Dating
-The person who ASKED the other person out (be it guy or girl!) should offer to pay!
-If you're a girl, and you know the guy you're with makes less money than you, you should offer to pay, but once he offers, never try to insist. It's a pride thing!
-Texting on a date is rude. If you're having an awful time, go home, and if you're dying to give a friend the play-by-play, just go to the bathroom.
-If your one night stand asks to use your shower the next morning, pay it forward and let them. You never know when you might need to wash last night's bad decisions off yourself.
-Bringing someone home? Have a cat? Warn them. They might be really, really allergic, and nothing kills the mood like a desperate need for Sudafed.
-Don't assume you can just walk around naked in someone's apartment.
-Some people need SPACE to sleep, so don't strong arm someone into cuddling, especially if it's your first time hooking up with them.
Technology
-Don't ignore someone's wall post. Everyone check's Facebook 8 times a day; we know you saw it. Also, don't ignore someone's wall post while continuing to post a bunch of stuff AFTER said wallpost. So rude.
-Ditto for BBM. You saw the message, now just respond.
-Don't turn someone down for a date and then check into someplace else on Foursquare or Tweet "At the movies with so and so!"
-Don't use obnoxious text abbreviations. Especially if you have a smartphone.
-Not only is the SOUND of your phone annoying during a movie/play/concert, but the LIGHT is annoying too.
At Home
-Don't have sex on a couch you share with your roommate. It's bad enough to do it in the shower but at least that can be bleached.
-If it is raining/snowing/sleeting/a heatpocalypse, don't make your delivery man wait outside with your food while you find your shoes/count out cash/finish your phone conversation. And maybe tip a little extra?
-Parents coming to visit? Give your roommate a heads up, please, so they don't walk into the living room nearly naked with your DAD there.
-If you get home drunk and just HAVE to have your roommate's Cup Of Noodles, buy them another one!
-If your roommate needs to consummate their latest love affair, make yourself scarce for a few hours. They would do it for you!!
-Having a wild party? Invite your young neighbors. Otherwise they will resent you.
-Having a wild party? Warn your older neighbors. Otherwise they will resent you.
-If someone cooks dinner for a group of people, someone should offer to do the dishes!
-Always bring a bottle of something to a friends' house party. (That's what Trader Joe's is for!)
And finally...
-This is so gross but I see it all the time and it just really has to stop: DON'T CLIP YOUR NAILS IN PUBLIC! Not on the subway! Not on the sidewalk over a subway grate! Not on your stoop! Not anywhere but in the privacy of your bathroom for the LOVE OF GOD!
This list was compiled using suggestions from about 40 young, often irked, but always polite New Yorkers!
Vassili Verrecchia Shows Off His Favorite Things In His Paris Home
While his brother, Timothee, runs the NYC office, Vassili takes on the Paris-based side of things. To gain some insight to what inspires such a creative and entrepreneurial spirit, we asked Vass to show off some of his favorite worldly and sentimental possessions in his Paris home. See where Vass's travels have taken him...
about 6 hours ago
about 8 hours ago
about 16 hours ago
02:56:54 PM May 21, 2012
02:35:16 PM May 21, 2012
11:01:39 AM May 18, 2012
09:45:07 AM May 18, 2012
Milo
July 15, 2010
5:59pm
2 additional pet peeves on the subway... when someone says "excuse me" to get by on a crowded train, then takes your spot. This happens all the time, i try to be polite and contort into some uncomfortable position so they can get by, then they take the exact spot I was standing, and I can't move back.... Also, wait until you get to your stop to move towards the door. I know you want to stand up and make your way over to the door before we get there, but I am not letting go of the handle on a moving train when the guy drives like an animal simply for your convenience.
Chiara
July 15, 2010
6:03pm
HELL to the yes on the second one. Especially annoying when I, too, am planning on getting off at the next stop, so just hold your horses and once the train stops and the door opens, we'll both get out, mmkay?!
UGH
July 15, 2010
6:59pm
The worst is when the motorcade of sluts doesn't move out of your way and you have to jump in the street to avoid them.. like W.T.F.
July 15, 2010
7:03pm
Easily the single best compilation of etiquette directions I have seen in a long time! Uber kudos to Chiara and the 40 or so "young, often irked, but always polite New Yorkers" for a job well done!
MoreAndAgain
July 15, 2010
7:10pm
I'd like to add another rule for when we're at the bar; if you knock someone's hand, causing them to spill their drink, you should buy them a new one!
lala
July 15, 2010
8:48pm
maybe it's just me but..an etiquette list about getting drunk, couch sex, one night stands and cancer sticks? classy.
guest
July 15, 2010
8:54pm
why the guide for 'twenty-somethings'? These rules should apply to EVERYONE!
Excited
July 15, 2010
11:19pm
Excellent points but I would like to add a quick online etiquette rule for a twenty-something: Not everyone of your items requires and exclamation point. We understand that all of your insights are important, isn't that why you wrote them in a list?
Lexi
July 15, 2010
11:48pm
It looks like some people don't age well because a lot these rules apply to a much other crowd as well. And I would never tip a bartender a dollar especially when a lot of venues charge at least 15 dollars a cocktail.
Emma
July 16, 2010
10:26am
I´m going to print this out and put it on my fridge!
longfellow
July 16, 2010
3:12pm
Brilliant but obvious....what's most alarming is that this list is necessary (and oh, it is). Did none of these precious darlings have parents? Were they all raised feral -- or in an overcrowded orphanage where personal instruction was wanting? Yikes.
My name
July 16, 2010
4:06pm
Great list......FOR ME TO POOP ON!
July 16, 2010
8:12pm
THESE SUGGESTIONS CAN APPLY TO EVERYONE IN NEW YORK CITY AND NOT JUST 20-SOMETHINGS. THERE ARE PLENTY OF 30,40,50,60-SOMETHINGS, ETC WHO DON'T HAVE MANNERS OR ACT LIKE THEY DON'T HAVE THE SENSE THEY WERE BORN WITH. THIS CITY IS ONE BIG OLE ADULT PLAYGROUND...EVERYONE WANTS TO BE A KID.
jujubean
July 17, 2010
4:06pm
Another thing to add: females don't put your makeup on, on the train! I don't want to see you put on your face! and since we're in our 20's, we're still at the point where makeup isn't necessary.
July 19, 2010
4:21am
And when you're on the subway, don't stand in the doors at a stop. It blocks the doors and makes us all get home later. If you're going to stand in the doors, either be getting off at the next stop or step out and let everyone else on and off before taking your spot at the door. There's nothing worse than just missing a train because some jackass decided to stand in the doors when you're trying to board.
H & G
July 19, 2010
2:59pm
How about "I.Love. This"...I Looooathe when people are checking out at the register and are talking on the phone...it's rude! You really should give the person at the register your undivided attention, it's proper and makes them feel like they're not cellophane, and it helps move things along for the people behind you who are already irritated from listening to your last 3o minutes of exclaiming "OMG!"
partypants
July 19, 2010
4:38pm
"If a drunk patron at a bar asks for a cigarette, give it to them. Better they get one more stick of cancer than you." Sorry but at 12 bucks a pack, f*ck you. Buy your own. Being a drunk mooch is rude.
July 19, 2010
6:06pm
honestly gentlemen, there's no shame in splitting a bill or letting a woman pay for drinks or dinner. insecurity is pretty unattractive.
prodikl
July 23, 2010
5:02am
I got one that's been bothering me for a while. DONT USE THOSE BLUE OIL BLOTTING SHEETS IN PUBLIC i die a little inside each time i see that
Kristin
July 23, 2010
3:24pm
Good list that applies to all ages, but mostly 20 somethings. I'd like to add that staring at people is rude. If you catch yourself doing it, diffuse it with a smile when people see you. Also, making fun of people is not polite - ever. Usually, people can tell when someone is staring at someone or making fun of them. This also: try not to dress showing everyone your underwear: girls AND guys! Another: stop rolling down your car window to throw trash out on the street - I see that a lot in New Orleans.
MissJaxon
July 23, 2010
4:24pm
To add to what Milo (the first commenter) said about when someone gets on the train, says "excuse me", and then takes your spot so you can't move back... this is also true at crowded bars/clubs. If I moved to let you pass, don't take my spot - especially when I'm surrounded by a group of my friends and your standing here separates me from them and leaves me looking at your back instead of their faces...
Eddie Going
July 23, 2010
7:32pm
I agree with everything everyone is saying! And yes to Kristin's comment about staring and talking about people. It will bring such rage and fury into my heart and brain that I will stare back and the person. If I am sure they're making fun of me, I'll say something to whoever I'm with about them only I'll say it loud enough for them to here? Rude? I think not. Not after it's been done to me. And the train...what about people who lean on the god damn poles? And the people who block the doors and won't let you on or off... I could go on and on...