NYPD Busted By Grammar Police

by SAPPY WANDERER · May 5, 2008

NYPD, grammarEducation is a powerful thing, friends: perhaps too powerful a device to be placed upon the hands of a bombastic fop with an inferiority complex. With such tools of the trade to abuse, it should be no surprise that understanding grammar and reading and re-reading and re-re-reading Eats, Shoots, and Leaves would also make one capable of joining the grammar nazi faction and storming through the city inflicting know-it-all oppression upon the populace that actually knows better to care about such poppycock. Speak softly and carry a big diction, such is the life of the grammar nazi!

There are few things as perturbing, however, as seeing another organization known for keeping order amidst the chaos and pushing people back into their place, a society that keeps their secrets amongst themselves and maintains peace of mind among the populace: a bastion of societal rules that, yes, has the gall to release such underdeveloped drivel.

Look at this. Lo, look at this pitiful form. Almost every bullet point bears the pox of misspellings, the inconsistency of periods, the lack of words to maintain coherence! Oh, the agony I feel seeing the boys in blue fall so hard to the corruption inherent in poor language! What could have incited such negligence towards their very own messages? Has the AOL Mafia been slipping payments into the hands of our government officials to look the other way to allow them to vandalize and mar the words of the NYPD?

It is with heavy heart, but I am afraid that there is no choice: I charge you, NYPD, on the grounds of gross negligence of your documents, evading responsibility by redirecting people to the “ploice”, and misinforming people to “rember” taking atm cards. For shame, NYPD, for shame.