The MTA, forever broke, is auctioning off your lost valuables in a desperate attempt to line its pockets. Losing a Kindle on the subway is your fault alone. But what about things the subway has taken from you? We can think of a few items we are owed.

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• An aggregated 57 minutes lost while waiting for the uptown F train to pick you up at 2nd Avenue/Lower East Side, only to be reminded, for the dozenth time, that for inexplicable reasons that train doesn't run on weekends.

• Childhood wonder lost by untold thousands of tots who witnessed hundreds of drunken Santas singing dirty Christmas carols during Santacon.

• Innocence lost after walking onto an idling car to find a grown man slouched in his chair, pants around his ankles, mid-bowel movement.

• Hearing loss caused by placing your ear against the PA system in a failed attempt to decipher a subway conductor's famously mumbled announcements.

• Pride lost after nature put in a harshly-timed call and forced you to take a whiz while stuck on an L train at the depths of the East River at 3:30 am. It happened to a friend.

• Any chance of getting lucky lost after bearing your translucent chicken legs on public transportation during the No-Pants subway ride.

Got it, MTA? If you see something, pay something.