Barring the slim reality you are a true political wonk, you are probably tuning into the State of The Union Address tonight as an excuse to drink with your friends. Here's an etiquette guide to aid your drinking game and test your close listening skills.

Also a few ground rules:

• Every time, Obama says "hope," you must eat a spoonful of Ben&Jerry's "Yes, Pecan!" ice cream. Substitute any iteration of butter pecan ice cream.
• Drinks should be some heavily spiked Hawaii punch as an homage to
• If drinking beer, go with Bud Light, Obama's brew of choice for the Beer Summit

You could go for the Atlantic's no nonsense approach. The folks over at Politico have a nice compilation, but we have a few tweaks we'd offer.

• 1) "All calls for bipartisanship should be responded to with a fart in Joe Lieberman's general direction."

-GQ's Ana Marie Cox

GofG: O.K., we're all for mudslinging, but equipped with an acute sense of smell, we might suggest a sharp groan instead of flatulence; audio disturbance might be preferable to that of the audio variety.

• 2) Every time Dennis Kucinich wedges himself into the TV frame with the president, drink. And if Joe Wilson is in the same shot, finish your drink."

-ABC News's Rick Klein

GofG: Huh?

• 3) "Every time the camera pans to show Sen. McCain's grimace, drink! Long shot: if Speaker Boehner cries, dabs his eyes, reaches for the handkerchief, CHUG!"

-Washington Post's Jonathan Capehart.

GofG: You must take whiskey shots if you actualy see McCain's jowls wobble. Also: you must scream, "Boehner" out the window anytime he appears on screen.

• 4) "Any time Michelle Obama is mentioned, you have to chug a lite beer."

-Mother Jones's David Corn (a nod to the first lady's "Let's Move" initiative)

GofG: Might we also encourage a knuckle-crushing fist bump with your significant other during such an occasion?

• 5)"[Drink] every time the president says 'Let us...' and not in the 'Peter Rabbit' sense. Of course, if the first lady has gotten her hands on the speech and real lettuce (organic) has found its way in, [take] two shots of filtered spring water heirloom potato boutique vodka."

-The Week/Bloomberg's Margaret Carlson

GofG: Not so much a riff on this one but a praise for Carlson for such punishing verbal acrobatics, such stunning employment of the calembour. Oh-no-etry.

• 6) "Start with three extra-strength Tylenol and then drink every time President Obama says 'change,' challenge,' 'prosperity' or 'hope' and drink twice for everyone wearing purple."

-Writer and 'Potomac Fever' associate producer Susanna Quinn.

GofG: Yes, this is the best of all options. And fallow this with a smashing night at Avenue.

[Image via FitCeleb, My SA]