Subway Horror Stories That Make Us Think The Apocalypse Really Is Coming This Weekend

by Deb Sperling · May 20, 2011

By now, you've probably heard about Mayor Bloomberg's ridiculous assertion that "there aren't very many panhandlers left" on the the subway. If that were really true, we'd pretty much know for sure that the world was ending. Indeed, a retired MTA worker is one of the driving forces behind the May 21 Judgement Day frenzy. We can't blame him. If we had to put up with the level of utter craziness these guys witness every day, we'd probably be a little suspicious too.

This collection of some of the year's most charming displays of totally normal New York City subway behavior will either solidify your worst fears about this Saturday, or reassure you that everything is totally 100% normal in the city where Crazy never sleeps.

The Rat-pture

The madness began in January, with this now famous video of a terrifying subway rat scurrying over a sleeping man's face...

[The Bankability Of The Subway Rat On The Face Video] [Never Ride The Subway Again! Rat Crawls On Sleeping Man's Face]

If that's not enough to scare the living daylights out of you, just remember that a NYC subway rat can carry and eat, like, twice its weight in New York pizza...

A Poultry Affair

Later that month, this man decided to get intimate with an even more unlikely animal friend. What is it with the 4/5/6 line?

And don't forget about January's other well-known subway incident, not involving any live animals we know of...

Other "Animals"

In March, a high-carb brawl broke out between three women over the weighty issue of whether or not it's okay to enjoy a delicious Italian meal on the train...

The only truly scary thing about this one is that anyone still thinks it's okay to call another human being an "animal." We can think of a lot of nasty animal names for this creature, but we're not going to sink to her level.

We just hope the next stop on the animal train isn't a visit from this guy.

Into The Wild

On May 2, things started to amp up a notch, when a 41-year-old man took off his clothes and bared his inner and outer nastiness to the world...

Spring Cleaning

Then, of course, there was this guy, who was just minding his own business trying to look dapper...

On first look, it seems this guy doesn't give a subway rat's behind about his personal appearance. But the more we think about it, maybe he's just taking his love of fashion to a whole new level.

Enjoy your last day on earth, folks.