On Saturday Penthouse Pet Ryan Keely presented the second installment of the didactic workshop"Porn Star Sex Life." During the all-day atelier, Keely covered pick-up tips, sexual techniques, and threesome etiquette. Naturally, we sent David Shapiro. The Blackberry blogger strikes again! 

Here is his account, unedited and unabridged:

"it is 3:30 on a sunny saturday afternoon and i am sitting inside a bar on 27th St. and 10th Ave. watching a porn star lick an apparently pretty lifelike plastic/rubber replica of another porn star's apparently perfect vagina. there are rows of chairs set up for this event, which is a lecture called "Porn Star Sex Life," and the rest of the people here are either photographers or people who want to learn how to make their sex lives more like pornography. there is an overweight man in front of me who reminds me of Meatloaf and he is paying very close attention

the porn star giving the demonstration is a Penthouse Pet (which is the equivalent of a Playboy Playmate but more hardcore i guess) and she is currently performing a cunnilingus demonstration on the fake vagina and she talks about one of the ways that porn is different from real life which is that in porn, they want you to see everything that's happening, so the way that people perform cunnilingus in porn is misleading as a demonstration of the best way to perform cunnilingus because when you are optimally performing cunnilingus, obviously, you can't see the tongue and the vagina, but in porn they have to show that stuff, so porn stars perform cunnilingus that looks good but maybe doesn't feel that good

the porn star seems like a pretty nice woman and the way she casually says "pussy" so much makes me feel less uncomfortable about talking about private aspects of sex so openly. on her twitter she refers to herself as an "occasional stripper, textophile, comic book fan, naked lady, nerd" so i think she has a sense of humor about being a porn star. i almost giggled out loud when i saw "naked lady"

she says she is a lesbian but that one time she was paid to help out with a study about "high-risk behavior in the adult entertainment industry" and she had to watch 20 hours of gay male porn per week for 3 months and that's how she learned to handle "men's junk"

i try to imagine what my parents would think if they knew what i was doing this afternoon or if they could see me here. yesterday i talked to my mom on the phone and she asked what i was doing this afternoon and i told her that i was going to Ikea to get a bookshelf. now the porn star is stroking an upright plastic/rubber penis with two hands and she calls this technique the double twist

she talks about the best kind of lube for anal fisting, which she supposes is silicone-based as opposed to water-based, and then starts walking around the room with bottles of both types of lube, squeezing a little bit of each type of lube onto everybody's hands so they can feel the difference. when she gets to me to try to squeeze the lubes into my hands, i stand up next to her and whisper, "i'm sorry i can't, i'm writing about this and i need to take notes" and i hold up my Blackberry and she nods and smiles a little and walks back to the front of the room

she asks the class if they feel the difference between the water-based lube and the silicone-based one and there's a murmur from the crowd but no clear "yes!" consensus because i guess people don't really know how to explain the difference. the porn star explains that the water in the water-based lube gets absorbed into the skin, so the lube gets gummy. the overweight man in front of me nods in agreement. i think about how gummy lube sounds gross, and then they pass around paper towels for everyone to wipe their hands off with. i am thinking about leaving

the porn star explains that when you are fingering someone, it's a good idea to make sure your nails are trimmed and your hands are clean. i search for pictures of her on Google Images while she is talking, i guess because i don't really have the opportunity that often to watch someone give a lecture and also simultaneously look at naked pictures of them, i mean i never have before and i never will again probably, so i'm gonna make this one count. there she is, naked but covered in red paint, almost naked on a green motorcycle, naked on a couch, naked in a pool

i admire her willingness to be naked in front of maybe millions of people. i'm always nervous to be naked in front of another person so i can't even imagine doing it professionally but she looks like she's having a good time so more power to her. now she is demonstrating a sexual position that she calls "the power pump" on another porn star who volunteered to help her out. they both look happy and the porn star giving the class makes a joke as she's thrusting her hips and explaining how to position the woman's legs depending on the size of your penis. i think i'm gonna leave now but this was fun!"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

[Images via Porn Start Sex Life]