Is facebook taking over your life? Are you twittering in your sleep? Maybe you should consider checking into the Lorien Hotel in Alexandria, where you can sign up for a Social Media Detox. While they don't take away your iPhone at check-in, they DO offer incentives for not signing on, including discounts for the hotel restaurant, hiking maps, and, sort of weirdly, teddy bears...

Here's What A Social Media Detox Weekend Gets You:

• 10 minute chair massage at the Hotel Spa
• $20 credit to hotel Restaurant, including the "Face to Face Cocktail"
• Walking map, to reintroduce yourself to the great outdoors
• A bicycle, in case you remember how to ride one. It's been a long time since you've left your computer.
• A teddy bear, available on request, for getting you through the hard, lonely, gchat-free night.
• $25 gift certificate towards a future stay if you somehow prove you haven't gone on facebook or twitter the entire time.

Here's What A Social Media Detox Weekend Does Not Give You:

• Social re-introduction classes, for those who haven't communicated in 3-d since 1999.
• Rehabilitation therapy for your text-tired thumbs.
• Counseling for when you have hard Tumblr withdrawals.
• A life. Like, a real one.