It's Hard Out There For A 5,000 Friender

Facebook caps the number of friends per user at 5,000. The Post bravely sets out to track down these new elites. You've heard of some of them . . . and some of them you'll wish you'd never heard of.-

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Facebook spokeswoman Meredith Chin tells the Post that "a fraction of a percent" of the site's users have hit the limit. However, given the 400 million facebookers worldwide, the odds are good that there are thousands and thousands of kids out there with more friends than they know what to do with. But why worry about those guys when the ones that the Post profiles are so much fun, especially when they begin bemoaning the downsides of that many faux friends.

Paul Johnson Calderon

Jules Kirby and PJC                         PJC and Lizza Fraser [Photos via GoaG]

Are you surprised? PJC uses facebook to sell his man-boy bow ties. “It’s an easier way of promoting myself than jumping in front of cameras,” he tells The Post. Not that he hasn't done that too. He's moving on from FB though, and devoting himself to Twitter. Facebook is "too confusing."

King Kamali

[Photos via King Kamali]

Shahriar "King" Kamali is a pro bodybuilder who's pushing 40. He is literally the scariest human being we've seen in our lives. Facebook has helped him expand his personal-training client base, give fans tips on eating 8+ meals a day, and declare "Superman lives!" to an audience of thousands.

Anna Evans

[Photos via ModelMayhem]

Anna is a 21-year-old fetish model and burlesque dancer. What's her friending secret? She and her bf Kayvon Zand go out nightly. Furthermore, Anna makes her FB page appealing by including "fanciful, literal translations of what’s going on." Like what, New York Post, like what? Like “Beauty is a great feeling, but the process of beautification is frequently uncomfortable.” We don't think that counts, NY Post, we don't think that counts. Probably more useful than "poems" in the friending field is the fact that Anna says, "I just really don't like wearing clothes."

Sara Benincasa

[Photos via Sara Benincasa]

Sara B.'s a comedienne and radio host, who seems to use FB mostly to book gigs and auditions, try out jokes, and even to fill the seats at tour shows. She's got a two-hour-a-day Facebook habit, but not for personal purposes. In fact, she seems slightly mystified by The Post's assumption she knows her facebook friends personally. “I only have about six or seven genuinely close friends,” she tells the paper. "I keep up with them . . . in the real world.”

DeStorm Power

First: His name is DeStorm Power. Second: You should check out his videos, where he shows off his muscles and answers users' challenges.

DeStorm sings about a typical day, which includes "Dinner at Red Lobster" and "Girls Getting Trampled At the Movies."

He's an online semi-celeb, and he's the only interviewee who admits to actually using facebook to keep in touch with friends and family. He doesn't read all his messages, though: "I need to get an intern."

Aside from the pressure of having too many facebook messages to read, there are other overfriending perils to contend with. Paul Joseph Calderon admits he only knows about 500 of his Facebook friends, and reveals that some of the remaining 4,500 are stranger-creepsters who send him weird messages. King Kamali, on the other hand, is a married man, which FB hasn't been helping with at. all. the site is "an absolute nightmare for married men.” Girls want to meet him, "get crazy," use him as a "toy," and, presumably, rub their faces on his orange Christmas ham muscles. Anna Evan's ishes are even more scandalous: because a facebooker  reported a nude photo on Evan’s page, Facebook deleted her profile for a time.