Look, it’s ok if you didn’t get an invite to the Kentucky Derby—as long as you agree to wear something tastefully elegant (straw hat encouraged) and hit up your bookie. I mean, come on guys, horses exist so that we can bet on them. And because they were sooo the 1800’s answer to a 4-door sedan. I kid, of course. They exist for handsome cab rides in Central Park too. But enough with the crazy talk. Here’s my advice for all you “theme party kids”. Throw a Derby Day hoe-down. Make your friends dress like jockeys (or horses?). Or, if you’re more into the glam, borrow one from my ex-equestrian pal: fried chicken and mint juleps. The name of that party is “Old money”. If you need help touching up on your American aristocracy, just youtube Gilmore Girls. If you need help figuring out what to wear, watch this boring video that features much derby style” attire. Now get gamblin’!