Ah, the dreaded filler episode. They're getting more and more annoying the shorter the seasons become, huh? Well, at least we're still brimming with all that "fire and fury" from the last battle (and yeah, we're kinda facing some of our own drama in the real world lately). Maybe a nice little breather is what we needed this week. It was full of happy reunions (Jorah basically swooned to death) and a few unhappy ones (the Lannister brothers apparently still have some stuff to work out in family therapy), but at least some vital information was finally hinted at and the scenes were set for the major action to come. Oh, and not to mention the much-lauded return of Bastard Bae to the south - GENDRY! Let's recap Game of Thrones, Season 7 Episode 5.
1. OK first off can we all just take a moment to look at the photo above and appreciate the PASSIONATE glances these two have been stealing from each other like, since they met. Are they like the Ross and Rachel of Westeros? The sexual tension is more suffocating than Samwell Tarly's dusty bookshelves. But I digress.
2. Moving on. How DO these two make it that far in the water without shedding any of their armor (nor, ahem, a metal hand)? I was really hoping to see Bronn and Jaime in their Lion-themed skivvies.
3. Poor Jaime. Imagine having to tell both your sister and girlfriend some really bad news? Like, think of his struggle.
4. Comrade Dany, amiright?
5. UGH, DICKON JUST BEND THE GODDAMN KNEE.
6. Alright, as much as I really didn't want Lil Dick(on) to die, why is it that a man is praised for being totally ruthless in war but if a woman does it, cries of "Mad Queen" get tossed around? #BurnThePatriarchy
7. The look on Cersei's face when she learns that Olenna killed Joffrey is almost as good as the look on Joffrey's face when Olenna killed Joffrey.
8. How To Train Your Dragon: Broody Man-Bun Edition
9. Also (duh) first hint this ep about Jon's true heritage!!
10. AWW Jorah was totally going in for this kiss and once again Dany curves him like a boss.
11. I am LIVING for this new love triangle, yassss boys bend the knee!!!!!!!
12. White Walker Tippi Hedren is like, "think again birds."
13. Professor Slughorn has been a real buzzkill this season, for real.
14. Tyrion and Varys are like parents drinking away their troubles, thinking about whether or not they should put their rebellious teenager on Dr. Phil.
15. LOL: "I am Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, khaleesi to Drogo’s riders, and queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. How bah dah?"
16. Or, you know, we can just not bring one of the zombies down to Cersei because she will obviously find a way to weaponize it for her own gain. But like, sure let's just go through with it.
17. Dany when Jorah volunteers to go beyond the wall: "OK cool yeah see you l8er thanks hon."
Dany when Jon says he's going: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Me when Jon says he's going: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
18. Damn, these Northerners ain't loyal.
19. Loving Sansa's very Glossier glow these days.
20. This Lannister sibling reunion is actually less chilly than the Stark one, although if I were Jaime I'd be pissed at Bronn.
21. OMG OMG OMG IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS....
22. YASSS BB (Baratheon Bastard). Digging the buzzcut.
23. And this is what we call a "Row Up." Like a Glow Up but when you row for so long you just get a little hotter and more rugged looking. Surprised Ivy Leagues haven't coined the term yet.
24. OOOh and he's got this whole Thor War Hammer thing goin' on. SHOOK.
25. Gotta give Cersei credit for pulling a Gone Girl and roping her man back in. Except pregnant C is going to be balls to the wall insane now and I'm scared.
26. Speaking of balls, at least Gendry has enough of 'em to tell Jon Snow he's short AF.
27. Gilly is just her character Cassie on Skins, but with dark hair and...possibly...more annoying?
28. BUT WAIT. DID SHE JUST SAY...ANNULMENT? Prince...Rhaegar annulment? (2nd clue about Jon's parentage!)
29. Like most intellectuals, Sam thinks his complaining is more important than anything a woman has to say.
30. "I'm tired of reading about the achievements of better men." SNAP.
31. This episode is really dragging - is that just me?
32. Littlefinger is up to something, obviously. Arya you're smarter than that. And also apparently really loud when you pick locks.
33. Jon, Jorah, The Hound, and a bunch of fire-worshipping bandits? This ragtag team is in for a whole lot of snowy fun!
[Photo via HBO]