The Official Softboi Drinking Game

by Geneva Hutcheson · August 5, 2016

Softboi asks you out for an ironic drink at the Dead Poet/an angsty reading at the 92nd street Y/to walk around the Met and make up backstories for the portraits/to sit in his room and listen to him play guitar. About ten minutes in, you realize you're just dealing with a fuckboi who relies on emotional rather than traditional methods of manipulation. How will you survive the night? Welcome to the softboi drinking game.

The rules are as follows:

1. Drink every time he starts a sentence with: "I just feel like..."

2. Drink every time he mentions his novel.

3. Drink every time he plays a song off his own Soundcloud.

4. Drink every time he tells you something akin to "I see something in you that no one else will."

5. Drink every time he talks about death.

6. Drink every time he talks about communism.

7. Drink every time he half smiles at you and then looks down, letting his eyes tear up.

8. Drink every time he tells you about how crazy his ex-girlfriend was.

9. Drink every time he low-key tells you that you're weak but he cares deeply enough about you to protect your from the big bad world.

10. Drink every time he tells you he used to be a huge fuckboi but has since learned to respect women.

11. Just drink every time he feels like it's necessary to reassert that her respects women.

12. Drink every time you start to feel sorry for him.

13. Drink every time you seriously consider sleeping with him because you are starting to think he really understands you in ways that no one else will.

14. Drink every time another girl hits on him (your music is really beautiful, your eyes are so gorgeous, you're so sweet).

15. Drink every time he tells you he wants to make this work and is going to try really hard not to cheat on you.

16. Drink every time he tells you that he's not really into social media.

17. Drink every time he reaches up to push an (imaginary) curl behind your ear.

18. Drink every time he plays a Bright Eyes/Sad Jam Stevens/Noah and the Whale/Bon Iver song.

19. If you're starting to think about sleeping with him, finish your drink, you're going to need it.

20. If you're starting to think about seriously dating him, open another bottle - you're fucked.

[Photo via @giarogiarratana]