“Bristol Palin’s unwed pregnancy is not so unusual these days, but her solution –marriage– is.”
So starts Rebecca Teti in her Faith & Family article posted yesterday “In Defense Of Marrying Young.” The average age for marriage today is 25 for women and 27 for men, a far bit younger than the standards set forth on our fair island. But Teti argues that marrying young is far better and her points seem reasonable:
“The standard advice we give young people is to finish their education, get a good job and find themselves before taking the plunge of getting married. It sounds right, but here’s the catch. Psychologists tell us that character solidifies at about age 30. After that it becomes not impossible but vastly more difficult for the couple truly to knit themselves into unity.
Youth, by contrast is more flexible and a young couple has the benefit of being able to build from scratch, if you will, instead of trying to remodel. My observation has been that the younger a couple marries, the more success they will have forging a coherent family life rather than persevering forever in what is more or less a roommate model of marriage: two separate lives lived in the same household with some necessary overlap.”
There is definitely something to be said for the couple that gets the chance to “grow up” together, to mold their personality with each other; but only if it’s the right person. I will argue that it can be just as important for a person to fully actualize to the individual they are supposed to become. Living in NYC, it is considered rare to have a couple marry before they are 30, whereas I continue to see wedding and baby photos pop up on facebook from friends of mine from home (midwest) almost weekly. Are we, like we all tend to think, the smarter ones….or have we all just been training for divorce??
“I have a theory that late marriage contributes to an *increased* divorce rate. During those lingering years of unmarried adulthood, young people may not be getting married, but they’re still falling in love. They fall in love, and break up, and undergo terrible pain, but find that with time they get over it. This is true even if they remain chaste. By the time these young people marry they may have had many opportunities to learn how to walk away from a promise. They’ve been training for divorce.” [Mathewes-Green]
I agree with you that it has to be with the right person, but I think our culture instills in us that it is not the “right” person if we meet them too young.
I married my high school sweetheart and as un-sophisticated as that may sound, I know it was the right decision.
aiming September 3, 2008 2:59pm
What’s interesting about this is that if you look at the plight of the working woman in this (not to be super feminist and idealistic), but the majority of the time when women are placed in a marriage early on they compromise their careers. I am sure that there will be of plenty of people who will argue about this, BUT–this is both sociologically and historically proven via intellectuals I will happily refer you to.
In any case, the issue here is that when they marry early, it usually leads to children earlier on. This then leads to women having to share the unequal burden of missing days of work/maternity leave way more so than the husbands. Again, there are specific statistics backing this up.
Now, the issue here is that by getting married in their early 20’s, these women are then seen as less likely to succeed by their peers (and higher-ups) in the workplace due to their “duty to children/husband/household.” What this creates is this familial glass ceiling, leading to a stagnant career, where the women can no longer prepare herself for the workplace accordingly as she has been “mommy-tracked,” as these studies deem it. It also creates severe tension in the marriage, as the women are almost curtailed, and their roles are compromised in this new-age world of women as CEO’s and world leaders.
What I think is so interesting is that if you look at highly successful women, for example–actresses in Hollywood (Halle Berry perhaps or even Courtney Cox) as well as Wall Street managing directors to non-profit presidents, for the most part, they’re waiting until their 30’s and have an established career to have children and truly “settle” down…not that all marriages necessarily need children by ANY means. On the other hand, there are those successful women who have had children very early and then entered the workplace, thus providing their children with the necessary care while allowing these women to succeed.
It’s definitely true that there are TONS of success stories that say the opposite, but for the most part, there is this growing decision for women to stay in the workplace and out of marriage/family situations that allow them to first thrive and become bread-winners and then go into their personal lives.
Just an interesting take on the situation I think..rather than setting themselves up for failure, there’s a complex decision that allows these women to fulfill their goals and aspirations..not to mention the growing popularity of paternity leave (when will that catch on?!)
More on that later..
Skeptic September 3, 2008 3:21pm
I have heard that 90% of couples that marry between the ages of 18-22 end in divorce. If that is true, it blows the writer’s theory out of the water. The fact is that the traditional theory of marriage is outmoded. It was fine for our great grandparents to get married in their early 20s because the average life expectancy was much shorter. But how can you possibly choose someone today in your early 20s and expect to stay married to them for the next 50 years. Doesn’t seem logical.
on the rooftop of the Dream Hotel
for the hottest new daytime Saturday party in NYC!
BBQ, Free Frozen Cocktail from 12-1pm
$8 Mojito and $4 Beers.
R.S.V.P: heather@loungebarsnyc.com
Two 200-person seatings (12 noon, 3pm), serving non-Ono prix fixe grub (jumbo lump blue crab cakes, Brandt Beef tournedos...), bottle service, and tropical-themed cocktails ($17, but their vodka tonics run $15, so...); reservations for tables are recommended and walkups are welcome as space allows.
For high rollers, GUGD's roping off several sun-drenched lounges and making them available for $5000 each.
Make a reservation: Gansevoortbikinibrunch@gmail.com
Patriotic Pub Hop
Saturday, July 4th 2pm-til you fall down
No lame family BBQ's or plans of hittin up the Hamptons this weekend?
Come celebrate a booze-fueled Fourth of July with our Patriotic Pub Hop!
Enjoy all you can drink Bud and Bud Light drafts from 2-4pm for just $10 followed by Americana drink specials including $3 Bud/Bud Light drafts, $4 well drinks, $5 Apple Pie shots and $6 Muscle Car-Bombs all night long!
Hop from Black Bear Lodge to Bulls Head Tavern to Whiskey River...Check out the hot dog eating contest...and, if you're still standing- stick around for the Fireworks extravaganza broadcast live on our HDTV's!
To RSVP or for more information please contact WeLoveBars@gmail.com or log on to
http://www.going.com/PatrioticPubHop
Bring a blanket and come downtown for one of the most-
anticipated free concerts of the summer.
The concert is not ticketed, but space is limited and will be available on a first-come, first-served basis.
To celebrate the Hudson’s 400th anniversary New York City will putting on a fireworks display like never before. To join in the festivities the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Times Square will be offering rooms with perfect views and throwing a rooftop party for the first 100 guests to book rooms. These rooms and the party will be offered at special rates listed below.
Also, if there are people that would only like to attend the rooftop party, there is a special offer for that as well.
Come celebrate independence on the roof of the Rivington!
After a week hiatus we're back on the roof and back to the jacuzzis. The weather is supposed to be nice, so if you've been waiting for an appropriate time to come get loose in a rad New York City penthouse, Thursday is absolutely that time.
Benjamin "B Roc" Ruttner of HeavyRoc Music and Jonathan Price Totaro of Reason NY will be deejaying, bottles in the club, babes, etc etc etc.
We're expecting a lot of people so, if you can, please rsvp to info@lolanewyork.com or try and come early
After celebrating our country all day, spend all night honoring our king...of pop, that is. The Suzie Wong lounge will be spinning Michael Jackson music starting after the fireworks and lasting until the wee hours of dawn.
In late 2007, five young professionals, long connected by both friendship and family, decided to pool and tap into their own altruistic nature while encouraging others to do so. Their forum - the party. Calling themselves ‘fun-raisers’ their track record bears evidence
“Bristol Palin’s unwed pregnancy is not so unusual these days, but her solution –marriage– is.”
September 3, 2008 2:17pm
I agree with you that it has to be with the right person, but I think our culture instills in us that it is not the “right” person if we meet them too young.
I married my high school sweetheart and as un-sophisticated as that may sound, I know it was the right decision.
September 3, 2008 2:59pm
What’s interesting about this is that if you look at the plight of the working woman in this (not to be super feminist and idealistic), but the majority of the time when women are placed in a marriage early on they compromise their careers. I am sure that there will be of plenty of people who will argue about this, BUT–this is both sociologically and historically proven via intellectuals I will happily refer you to.
In any case, the issue here is that when they marry early, it usually leads to children earlier on. This then leads to women having to share the unequal burden of missing days of work/maternity leave way more so than the husbands. Again, there are specific statistics backing this up.
Now, the issue here is that by getting married in their early 20’s, these women are then seen as less likely to succeed by their peers (and higher-ups) in the workplace due to their “duty to children/husband/household.” What this creates is this familial glass ceiling, leading to a stagnant career, where the women can no longer prepare herself for the workplace accordingly as she has been “mommy-tracked,” as these studies deem it. It also creates severe tension in the marriage, as the women are almost curtailed, and their roles are compromised in this new-age world of women as CEO’s and world leaders.
What I think is so interesting is that if you look at highly successful women, for example–actresses in Hollywood (Halle Berry perhaps or even Courtney Cox) as well as Wall Street managing directors to non-profit presidents, for the most part, they’re waiting until their 30’s and have an established career to have children and truly “settle” down…not that all marriages necessarily need children by ANY means. On the other hand, there are those successful women who have had children very early and then entered the workplace, thus providing their children with the necessary care while allowing these women to succeed.
It’s definitely true that there are TONS of success stories that say the opposite, but for the most part, there is this growing decision for women to stay in the workplace and out of marriage/family situations that allow them to first thrive and become bread-winners and then go into their personal lives.
Just an interesting take on the situation I think..rather than setting themselves up for failure, there’s a complex decision that allows these women to fulfill their goals and aspirations..not to mention the growing popularity of paternity leave (when will that catch on?!)
More on that later..
September 3, 2008 3:21pm
I have heard that 90% of couples that marry between the ages of 18-22 end in divorce. If that is true, it blows the writer’s theory out of the water. The fact is that the traditional theory of marriage is outmoded. It was fine for our great grandparents to get married in their early 20s because the average life expectancy was much shorter. But how can you possibly choose someone today in your early 20s and expect to stay married to them for the next 50 years. Doesn’t seem logical.