“Bristol Palin’s unwed pregnancy is not so unusual these days, but her solution –marriage– is.”
So starts Rebecca Teti in her Faith & Family article posted yesterday “In Defense Of Marrying Young.” The average age for marriage today is 25 for women and 27 for men, a far bit younger than the standards set forth on our fair island. But Teti argues that marrying young is far better and her points seem reasonable:
“The standard advice we give young people is to finish their education, get a good job and find themselves before taking the plunge of getting married. It sounds right, but here’s the catch. Psychologists tell us that character solidifies at about age 30. After that it becomes not impossible but vastly more difficult for the couple truly to knit themselves into unity.
Youth, by contrast is more flexible and a young couple has the benefit of being able to build from scratch, if you will, instead of trying to remodel. My observation has been that the younger a couple marries, the more success they will have forging a coherent family life rather than persevering forever in what is more or less a roommate model of marriage: two separate lives lived in the same household with some necessary overlap.”
There is definitely something to be said for the couple that gets the chance to “grow up” together, to mold their personality with each other; but only if it’s the right person. I will argue that it can be just as important for a person to fully actualize to the individual they are supposed to become. Living in NYC, it is considered rare to have a couple marry before they are 30, whereas I continue to see wedding and baby photos pop up on facebook from friends of mine from home (midwest) almost weekly. Are we, like we all tend to think, the smarter ones….or have we all just been training for divorce??
“I have a theory that late marriage contributes to an *increased* divorce rate. During those lingering years of unmarried adulthood, young people may not be getting married, but they’re still falling in love. They fall in love, and break up, and undergo terrible pain, but find that with time they get over it. This is true even if they remain chaste. By the time these young people marry they may have had many opportunities to learn how to walk away from a promise. They’ve been training for divorce.” [Mathewes-Green]
I agree with you that it has to be with the right person, but I think our culture instills in us that it is not the “right” person if we meet them too young.
I married my high school sweetheart and as un-sophisticated as that may sound, I know it was the right decision.
aiming September 3, 2008 2:59pm
What’s interesting about this is that if you look at the plight of the working woman in this (not to be super feminist and idealistic), but the majority of the time when women are placed in a marriage early on they compromise their careers. I am sure that there will be of plenty of people who will argue about this, BUT–this is both sociologically and historically proven via intellectuals I will happily refer you to.
In any case, the issue here is that when they marry early, it usually leads to children earlier on. This then leads to women having to share the unequal burden of missing days of work/maternity leave way more so than the husbands. Again, there are specific statistics backing this up.
Now, the issue here is that by getting married in their early 20’s, these women are then seen as less likely to succeed by their peers (and higher-ups) in the workplace due to their “duty to children/husband/household.” What this creates is this familial glass ceiling, leading to a stagnant career, where the women can no longer prepare herself for the workplace accordingly as she has been “mommy-tracked,” as these studies deem it. It also creates severe tension in the marriage, as the women are almost curtailed, and their roles are compromised in this new-age world of women as CEO’s and world leaders.
What I think is so interesting is that if you look at highly successful women, for example–actresses in Hollywood (Halle Berry perhaps or even Courtney Cox) as well as Wall Street managing directors to non-profit presidents, for the most part, they’re waiting until their 30’s and have an established career to have children and truly “settle” down…not that all marriages necessarily need children by ANY means. On the other hand, there are those successful women who have had children very early and then entered the workplace, thus providing their children with the necessary care while allowing these women to succeed.
It’s definitely true that there are TONS of success stories that say the opposite, but for the most part, there is this growing decision for women to stay in the workplace and out of marriage/family situations that allow them to first thrive and become bread-winners and then go into their personal lives.
Just an interesting take on the situation I think..rather than setting themselves up for failure, there’s a complex decision that allows these women to fulfill their goals and aspirations..not to mention the growing popularity of paternity leave (when will that catch on?!)
More on that later..
Skeptic September 3, 2008 3:21pm
I have heard that 90% of couples that marry between the ages of 18-22 end in divorce. If that is true, it blows the writer’s theory out of the water. The fact is that the traditional theory of marriage is outmoded. It was fine for our great grandparents to get married in their early 20s because the average life expectancy was much shorter. But how can you possibly choose someone today in your early 20s and expect to stay married to them for the next 50 years. Doesn’t seem logical.
Where: Caroline's on Broadway, 1626 Broadway, New York, NY (map)
Admission: Ticketed Event
Discription:
Theater Resources Unlimited (TRU) proudly announces the two honorees for their 8th annual TRU Love Benefit, which will be held on Sunday, November 8, 2009 from noon to 4pm at Caroline’s on Broadway, 1626 Broadway at 49th Street, NYC. Elysabeth Kleinhans of 59E59 Theatres will receive the TRU “Spirit of Theater” Award for her ongoing generosity towards TRU as well as the off-Broadway producing community in general; and Allan Buchman of Culture Project will be acknowledged with the TRU Humanitarian Award for his dedication to bringing politically and socially conscious works to life in New York theater, and successfully using the arts for social change.
The theme of this year’s benefit is “Opening Doors” in recognition of both the nurturing homes the honorees have provided for the development of new work and new opportunities; and for their dedication to keeping open doors of communication for political and international conversations in New York theater. The event will start with a cocktail hour at noon, followed by a full luncheon. Performances will include representative scenes and songs from shows developed at 59E59 or The Culture Project, including “Gutenberg the Musical”, Prospect Theater’s bluegrass musical” Golden Boy of Blue Ridge”, “Clean Alternatives” with writer Brian Dykstra and “The Exonerated” excerpts performed by celebrity guests. TRU will also present songs from upcoming musicals being developed by TRU producers. Nancy Anderson will perform a song from “Yank!”, the musical debuting off-Broadway in February 2010, and previewing a song from the upcoming Broadway musical “Pure Country”. In addition Brian Dykstra will perform a piece from his play “Clean Alternatives” and Radiotheatre will perform from one of their radio pieces.
The TRU Love “Opening Doors” Benefit will take place Sunday, November 8, 2009, at 12 noon, at Caroline’s on Broadway, 1626 Broadway at 49th Street, NYC, with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres at noon, luncheon at 1pm and performances and awards ceremony starting at 2:15. Tickets are $175 for Premium Patron level seats in the first tier, $150 for Patron level 2nd tier and $100 for general admission. Tickets may be purchased at www.truonline.org/store-new.html. Inquiries may be made by phoning 212/714-7628 or emailing TRUnltd@aol.com.
For more information, visit www.truonline.org or call 212-714-7628.
Where: BARNES & NOBLE, 150 East 86th Street, New York, NY (map)
Admission: Open
Discription:
Barnes & Noble will host a book signing in celebration of the national launch of Park Avenue Potluck CELEBRATIONS, authored by members of The Society of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and New York Times food columnist Florence Fabricant. A POTLUCK of cider, sweets and other treats for the family celebration will be brought by many of the authors’ favorite purveyors including Eleni’s Cookies, Smithfield, Dean & DeLuca, Taste Caterers, William Poll, Williams-Sonoma, Gristedes, MrsMonogram.com and others.
A percentage of net sales of products in Barnes & Noble stores nationally will support ‘Kids Express’, an individualized program -- funded by The Society of MSKCC – designed to help adult cancer patients communicate with their children about their illness.
Where: La Venue and The Tunnel, 608 west 28th Street, New York, NY (map)
Admission: Ticketed Event
Discription:
California wine country is heading east to New York with the Robert Mondavi Discover Wine Tour. Ted Allen, Robert Mondavi Private Selection Brand Ambassador, is thrilled to engage consumers in the Big Apple with live cooking demonstrations at the Tour and to encourage foodies to open up about their food and wine questions. Additionally, guests are invited to join Robert Mondavi Private Selection’s Avram Deitch and other wine experts at the Robert Mondavi Discover Wine tour to learn anything and everything - from wine making to wine pairing.
Where: SVA Theater, 333 23rd st , New York, NY (map)
Admission: Invite Only
Discription:
Edward R. Pressman Alan & Gabe Polsky
and
First Look Studios
Eva Mendes
special screening of
BAD LIEUTENANT
PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS
A FILM BY WERNER HERZOG
screenplay by William Finkelstein
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“Bristol Palin’s unwed pregnancy is not so unusual these days, but her solution –marriage– is.”
September 3, 2008 2:17pm
I agree with you that it has to be with the right person, but I think our culture instills in us that it is not the “right” person if we meet them too young.
I married my high school sweetheart and as un-sophisticated as that may sound, I know it was the right decision.
September 3, 2008 2:59pm
What’s interesting about this is that if you look at the plight of the working woman in this (not to be super feminist and idealistic), but the majority of the time when women are placed in a marriage early on they compromise their careers. I am sure that there will be of plenty of people who will argue about this, BUT–this is both sociologically and historically proven via intellectuals I will happily refer you to.
In any case, the issue here is that when they marry early, it usually leads to children earlier on. This then leads to women having to share the unequal burden of missing days of work/maternity leave way more so than the husbands. Again, there are specific statistics backing this up.
Now, the issue here is that by getting married in their early 20’s, these women are then seen as less likely to succeed by their peers (and higher-ups) in the workplace due to their “duty to children/husband/household.” What this creates is this familial glass ceiling, leading to a stagnant career, where the women can no longer prepare herself for the workplace accordingly as she has been “mommy-tracked,” as these studies deem it. It also creates severe tension in the marriage, as the women are almost curtailed, and their roles are compromised in this new-age world of women as CEO’s and world leaders.
What I think is so interesting is that if you look at highly successful women, for example–actresses in Hollywood (Halle Berry perhaps or even Courtney Cox) as well as Wall Street managing directors to non-profit presidents, for the most part, they’re waiting until their 30’s and have an established career to have children and truly “settle” down…not that all marriages necessarily need children by ANY means. On the other hand, there are those successful women who have had children very early and then entered the workplace, thus providing their children with the necessary care while allowing these women to succeed.
It’s definitely true that there are TONS of success stories that say the opposite, but for the most part, there is this growing decision for women to stay in the workplace and out of marriage/family situations that allow them to first thrive and become bread-winners and then go into their personal lives.
Just an interesting take on the situation I think..rather than setting themselves up for failure, there’s a complex decision that allows these women to fulfill their goals and aspirations..not to mention the growing popularity of paternity leave (when will that catch on?!)
More on that later..
September 3, 2008 3:21pm
I have heard that 90% of couples that marry between the ages of 18-22 end in divorce. If that is true, it blows the writer’s theory out of the water. The fact is that the traditional theory of marriage is outmoded. It was fine for our great grandparents to get married in their early 20s because the average life expectancy was much shorter. But how can you possibly choose someone today in your early 20s and expect to stay married to them for the next 50 years. Doesn’t seem logical.