Cristiano Ronaldo: The A-Rod Of The East

by MIGUELINA NUNEZ · June 15, 2010

It's baseball season, and naturally, it's also mating season for third-baseman Alex Rodriguez. But we have a feeling that with the official kick-off of the World Cup, the New York Yankee will have some serious Portuguese competition. So look away from all reflective surfaces A-Rod, because Cristiano Ronaldo might just steal your thunder.

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Cri-

Cristiano Ronaldo is a Portuguese soccer player who will be playing in the World Cup for his home country. When not flexing his muscles for World Cup soccer glory, Crissy plays for Real Madrid C.F, a popular club soccer team based in Madrid.

Yes, A-Rod does play for a sport that's supposedly as American as apple-pie, BUT Cristiano - in all his tan, hair-gelled glory - seems to have made the Situation's rap song his mantra, and the Jersey Shore series his religion. Add to that the fact that he's playing in the most popular sporting event in the world! A-Rod doesn't even compare... or does he?

Let's compare meat-stick to meat-stick to see which one stacks up higher: who has the most money? Who is better looking?? Who pulls the best tail???

Money

Sure A-Rod makes 10 million dollars more than Cristiano per year, but Real Madrid set the world-record when they paid 100 million bucks to get Cristiano on the team, making the soccer phenom the more valuable player. Point definitely goes to the soccer star.

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Looks

We've already established that Cristiano is worth more than A-Rod, but it seems to us that the famous soccer player has invested too much of his money into waxing for our taste. After all, his eyebrows are better sculpted than ours:

And although everything Jersey Shore is in right now, we do have our limits. For example, we will take the muscles associated with the "gorillas" that J-Wow and Snooki drool over, BUT no thank you to that orange leather tan, Cristiano... And just when we were considering A-Rod's au naturale Dominican skin tone and biceps the winner, we remembered the Yankee's alleged romp with steroids. We'll call this one a draw.

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Girls:

Both athletes are alleged man-whores. A-Rod's marriage to Cynthia Scurtis is rumored to have ended after he participated in a series of affairs, some involving a Boston area hair-dresser. He was then linked to stripper Joslyn Morse, and later on to Madonna. He has recently been spotted with Kate Hudson Cameron Diaz.

Joslyn Morse                                Kim Kardashian

As for Cristiano Ronaldo, his laundry list includes foreign actresses, socialites and models like Irina Shayk whose fame isn't quite as in your face as Madonna's. But the few times that Crissy has been in American tabloids, he was linked to none other than sex-tape victims (we use that term loosely, ha) Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian!

.... and although we want to pick A-Rod - we really do, Joslyn - we think the winner, despite the brows and the tan, is Cristiano Ronaldo:

... bow chicka bow wow!!

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(Photo 1 by Steven Klein for Details.com)

(Photo 2 by AFP via DailyTelegraph.com)

(Photo 3 via KoreaTimes.co.kr)

(Photo 4 via RumorMills.com)

(Photo 5 via TheInsider.com)

(Photo 6 via SplashNewsOnline.com)

(Photo 7 by John Carta for GuestofaGuest.com)

(Photo 8 via blogspot.com)