• Brad Pitt, 47, tells Australian talk-show "60 Minutes" he plans to retire when he turns 50. [Post]
• The Supreme Court will hear arguments over Obama's health care reforms in March, and is expected to arrive at a ruling over its constitutionality in late June. [HuffPo]

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• Someone pass me a barf bag, please: Kat Von D is coping with her heartbreaking split from renowned scumbag Jesse James by recording her first album filled with "tragically romantic" tracks. [OTRC]
• Today we get our first significant L.A. rain to rub the fact that summer is over in our faces, however it's supposed to get better later in the week with dryer, warmer weather by Friday. [KTLA]

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• Don't worry about your split from Kat Von D, Jesse James—there's plenty of white trash love in the sea! [HuffPo]
• L.A. city council committee approves a motion to phase out red-light cameras throughout the city. [KABC]
• McDonald's has plans to make Happy Meals healthier by adding a fruit or vegetable serving and smaller French fry portions. What. The. Hell. [LATimes]
• Anders Behring Breivik, the man responsible for the deadly attacks in Norway, deemed in "insane" by lawyer, placed on suicide watch in police custody. [Telegraph]
• Mark Ronson, Kelly Osbourne among guests at the intimate London funeral for Amy Winehouse, cause of death yet to be determined. [TMZ]

• Although House Republicans passed their resolution to repeal Obama's new healthcare law yesterday, it is not expected to pass in the Senate [LATimes]
• New study finds undergrads aren't learning much in college these days, with 45% of the surveyed sample lacking improvement in critical thinking, complex reasoning and writing [HuffPo]
• Authorities plan to close the case on the Beverly Hills murder of Hollywood publicist Ronni Chasen as an attempted robbery gone bad [KTLA]
• Cameron Diaz cops to the fact that she likely bought weed from fellow LBC native Snoop Dogg in high school [PE]
• In a real life fairytale love story, Jesse James and Kat Von D are officially engaged 7 months after his divorce from Sandra Bullock. Swoon [TMZ]

• Kat Von D is sporting a big diamond ring and admits she's dating Jesse James. You do the math. [Post]
• More bizarre L.A. weather patterns like these continue to challenge locals with how to dress accordingly [LATimes]
• Say it isn't so! USC has a pretty big bed bug problem... [KTLA]
• The night of his drunken fit, Charlie Sheen bought at least two $5,900 bottles of wine at dinner [TMZ]
• Kelly Osbourne looks amazing covered in gold body paint in this topless Bond girl-inspired campaign photo shoot [PE]

• Ron Jeremy dared to eat lunch at the Condé Nast cafeteria! [NYPost]
• Jesse who? Sandra Bullock sucked face with Scarlet Johansson on TV last night [TMZ]
• Legendary UCLA coach John Wooden died Friday evening at age 99 [Daily News]
• Bernie Madoff is doing swell. He has prison groupies [Huffington Post]
• Jill Zarin takes to Facebook to share how she's being harassed and threatened [Popeater]

• Looks like cops cracked the case of the "4G" iPhone prototype that was found and sold to Gawker's Gizmodo for $5,000 [cnet]
• "Seinfeld's" Jason Alexander accidentally hits teenage biker with his car in Mid-City area [Huffington Post]
• Don't you want a map of the 50+ new faults discovered in CA over the last two decades hanging on your wall? [LATimes]
• Pause: How did no one know that Sandra Bullock adopted a baby IN JANUARY?? [Eonline]
• TMI alert: Larry King and wife Shawn Southwick were swingers. Horrifying... [NYPost]

I really wouldn't be shocked if this were true considering Jesse James' standards, er, lack thereof. More»

You tell that trashy Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Chelsea Handler!  The hilarious late night talk show host took advantage of having her own show in the best way possible last night.  She ripped on the tatted up mistress in response to a tweet which read

"Use some of that botox from your forehead and put it in your flabby underarm skin..Ive seen better wings in a bucket of KFC chicken."

Stinkbomb should know better than to mess with Chelsea. Actually, no she shouldn't. She's just a trailer trash, non-contributing ignoramus. So shut your face, stinkbomb!

[Photos via The Daily Beast and DesignTattoos]

• Vanity Fair features the mistresses of Tiger Woods,  uncovers more details deviant ways [Huffington Post]
• Like every other celeb caught behaving badly, Jesse James by checks into rehab for "personal" reasons [Eonline]
• YOU could be on "Glee" [LATimes]
• Westwood's Mann Bruin and Mann Village movie theaters get new management [Curbed]
• Jaime Escalante, the inspiration for Stand and Deliver, dies at 79 [LAWeekly]

• Jesse James is in rehab, perhaps for sex addiction, more likely for prison tattoo poisoning. [TMZ]
• Shannen Doherty gets giant thumbs down from all of America for her dancing. [Radar]
• George Lopez solves mystery of Lindsay Lohan's coke feet, so we can all breathe easy now. [NYDN]
• Irish gourmets want to take back cuisine from the French, will use car bombs if necessary. [Times]
• Matt Damon will appear on 30 Rock, possibly father real-life children for Tina Fey. [EW]